Past Hauntings
by runningondreams
Summary: A view into Heero's past. If you like enders game you might like this. This story is currently on Hiatus. I hope to rewrite and finish it before posting anything new. sorry.
1. Prolouge

Author's note: Hey all!! This is my first fic......Gundam Wing.....It's from Heero's point of view, and he's looking back on one of the many versions of his past that I have made up. Not much romance(maybe a little shonen ai, but nothing too serious), and probably not a lot of humor. I'm a big fan of both those and I CAN write them, but I don't really see Heero's past as being anything to laugh at. No present stuff (I don't think so anyway..), maybe a little about meeting the Gundam pilots, but I want this to be looking back shortly after Endless Waltz, so all you 'I wanna know what happens next' fans who can't stand the 'How did they get this far' stories, you can stop reading right now. Also, if you have an aversion to extreme cruelty and severe emotional and physical pain, as well as a little brain surgery, then you may not want to read any further. Those of you who actually enjoy the picture of grounding Heero into the dust, or those of you who are simply too stubborn or are thinking "It can't be as bad as she says it is," well you all can continue reading, and review me with your complaints that I am a heartless maniac bent on the destruction of all things light and fluffy; or encouragement as the case may be. I'll take anything, and flames will be used to burn away my writer's block. hehehehehe.....( It's not really that bad...really)  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing until further notice, and even then I will never own Gundam Wing unless, by some freak wormhole, the legal papers suddenly appear in my lap, with my name as OWNER. until then, I own NOTHING!!! except maybe a few posters...some manga novels....my mind (I think).....But other than that , NOTHING!!!! hahahahahahheheheheheh.....  
  
Now that I have bored you with my useless chatter,  
  
On with the story!!  
  
Life. Something far too many people take for granted; they can't do anything without it, but they generally can't do anything with it either. So, for the most part, they ignore it until someone or something threatens to take it away. Then they start carrying on about how it can't be happening to them, other people die, not them. Pointless. The majority of people in this world achieve life and then proceed to make a total mess of it by destroying it as often as they can in order to make themselves better. Those who realize that life is a gift, and then realize that nothing they do will ever change anything because there is nothing without life, but you can't do much with it either; those poor souls usually end up completely depressed; constantly battling between putting everyone out of their misery, only themselves, or giving in to the general consensus that 'It exists, now get on with it'.  
  
Those few who were given the gift of life for the sole purpose of having it taken away have a very unique view of it. Either they treasure it up, or they despise it because they know they don't matter one bit, and any number of replacements can be made. They are also the ones who turn out to be either pacifists or assassins, taking extreme views and occasionally switching between them as their 'life' progresses.  
  
  
  
Around twenty years ago there was an organization that set itself up as a center for studying the effects that various environments had on artificial birth since the colonies had stabled enough to allow natural birth to occur. For some reason enough people were interested in the project to donate cells for the 'children' to be created from. This organization was in fact, experimenting as they said they were. But they soon realized another purpose. After two unsuccessful attempts, they were able to determine what it was that was needed in several different situations to create a living, breathing child. Then they found out what those children could do. Somehow, being conceived in an alien environment, with strange chemicals speeding the process, the children were able to control more of their minds than any other human in existence. This led to the theory that, in fact, they weren't human, but mutants instead.  
  
That's a very hard concept for a child to grow up with: the fact that they are of their own race, and can't belong to anything easily.  
  
For a few years the scientists were content to nurture and develop various traits in their "children". Heero Yuy was preaching his peace ideals, and techniques of making colonist life easier were far more important than soldiers. There were all sorts of talents. Some could create fire and others had amazing strength. There were mutants who could understand machinery and computers on the molecular level, and others who had healing powers, or intimate knowledge of genetics; some were even able to manipulate time and glimpse the future. All possessed telepathy and some telekinetic ability, and most had a combination of the traits. They were happy, helping the neighboring colonists and settling into their own, close- knit family. Then the peace was shattered with the assassination of Heero Yuy, and their world changed.  
  
No longer could these "mutants" live a peaceful existence. No longer could they ignore the outside world. War was rushing towards them, and their skills were needed.  
  
I am one of the last, and this is how I began.  
  
Notes: If I offend anyone, I truly did not mean it. E-mail or review me with your complaint and I'll see what I can do to fix it. Please Review!!! 


	2. Beginnings

Author's Note: Hello, hello.. sorry for the depressing tone of the last chapter, but I'm afraid most of them will not have anything particularly cheery about them. This isn't that kind of story. If you found the ramblings about life boring or offensive, I truly am sorry. Heero, in my opinion, has never had a very positive outlook on life. Thank you to all of you who actually take time to read these ramblings.. Onegai R&R!!! [Keep in mind that this is fanfiction, not the current world]  
  
Disclaimer: "Disclaimer has gone out to lunch with the real owners of Gundam Wing. Disclaimer will return once it has finished its debate about 'do wormholes exist?' Until that time D2 will be running Disclaimer's office, and would simply like to say -Triton-dono does not own any aspect of Gundam Wing-"  
  
Chapter 1  
  
I'm not sure of the conditions under which I was created, but if I took a guess, it would probably be the vacuum of space. In any case, I came into this world with blazing red hair, and Prussian blue. Or so I was told. I couldn't tell you truthfully. I was born completely colorblind, and remained in that condition for the first seven years of my life.  
  
Those were relatively happy years for me. I was a friend to most of the children, and the work I did when I graduated from the nursery was something I enjoyed. I worked with plants most of the time, encouraging them to grow and prosper to their utmost ability. That may sound strange, coming from me, but I was a different person. I wasn't Heero Yuy the Gundam pilot, I was just a child; a happy, carefree child who was in love with life and anything to do with it. I didn't have a name even then. My "siblings" called me Red for the most part and eventually the adults started calling me that too. I was the most loving and forgiving soul there.  
  
That's where my problems began.  
  
As the world changed in response to Heero Yuy's assassination five years before my own birth, the peaceful, forgiving and loving children that had previously lived in happiness met obstacles. The organization housing us had been working on the project of "Perfect soldier" for seven years when I turned three. They then decided that they knew enough about our mental and physical layout to start operating on us. To start creating those perfect soldiers they would need to complete the war.  
  
We couldn't understand what was happening at first. Even those of us that could see into the near future had no idea what was going on. They were taken first, so that they couldn't warn the rest of us. I don't know what became of them; my guess would be they died during the surgery, or were unable to support themselves in the outside world. Soon the scientists took more, letting the altered back among us when the operation was completed successfully.  
  
Those altered ones made life horrible for the rest of us. They no longer cared if they hurt us, and went out of their way to tease, beat, and generally make our existence miserable. We learned to fight out of self- defense, using our unique skills to determine the most painful and effective pressure points on the bullies' bodies. This, of course, fit directly into the plans our "parents" had for us. After a year or so of this enforced insanity, none of us were the innocents that we had been. We knew what it was to fight desperately for our continued existence, and no one was smiling. It was every child to him or herself, and friendship had long since lost meaning. More of us were taken to be operated on, slowly so that we wouldn't notice it except to feel relieved that there was one less rival to contend with.  
  
When I was seven, they came for me. I think they gassed the room I was in. Whatever they did, I woke up disoriented, feeling that I had missed something important. I tried to sit up, only to realize that I was strapped securely to a polished steel table. One of the scientists (we never knew their names, and rarely saw them. They were there, but we ignored them most of the time) leaned over me. He was dressed in a sterile white uniform, and his reflective glasses winked at me eerily.  
  
"Don't worry lad, all we're going to do is help your eyes. Wouldn't you like to finally see color after all these years?" He smiled a toothy smile as I tried to deny it, as I tried to say something, anything, to move my head or hand even a fraction of an inch. Nothing. The man smiled again.  
  
"I wouldn't try moving boy, those drugs you took create total paralysis. It's a waste of your energy and our time." Another voice spoke, deeper and empty of emotion. "Is he ready?" "Yes sir." "Begin the surgery then." Two minutes later, I had the most excruciating pain I had every experienced. It was nothing compared to the things that followed though.  
  
They kept me conscious for the entire operation, forcing me to watch the monitors as they opened my skull and dug through my brain. They were very specific on what they wanted to do, and they did improve my eyesight. They did more though. If I had only been partly human before, they widened the gap.  
  
Over the years they had found, through observation of us and feeding off our own knowledge of the way our bodies worked, they had determined what parts of the brain we needed to function correctly, what parts were not necessary and, most importantly, how to enhance the sections they wanted. To achieve the goal of creating the "Perfect Soldier", those people who had given me life closed off part of my mind by placing a computer chip inside to limit my supernatural abilities and enhance the mechanical knowledge, physical strength and recovery speed they required. They also managed to install a tiny camera in my left eye that allowed them to record my every action, and, if I manipulated it correctly, let me see the world in the former black and white condition. The full implication of these changes did not make itself known to me until nearly a year later. Just then I was too busy trying to cope with the pain as my skull was screwed into its original position and I was nearly insensible to anything else. I did notice that the empty voice was speaking again. It cautioned that everyone not get too excited, they couldn't know that it was completely successful as of yet. I blacked out for a few hours, and when I came to, the scientist who had shown himself to me held a mirror up so I could see myself, for the first time, with color. I was too overwhelmed by color in itself to pay any attention for several minutes, fascinated in spite of my self as he named the colors that could be seen in the room. When I finally did look in the mirror, something bothered me. I had thought my hair red, but the color I saw now was more brownish. When I asked the smiling man, he replied by saying that the stress of the surgery had changed the DNA pattern in my hair (not to mention a few other things I discovered later), causing it to lose that fiery hue and take on a calmer one. After trying to absorb this, the exhaustion of eight straight hours of intense pain caught up with me, and I slipped into unfeeling sleep once more.  
  
Notes: No, I really don't know anything about brain surgery, and I was too lazy to do any research. Gomen, Gomen.. Any way, I hope you enjoyed this chapter, or at least liked parts of it. Again I do not mean to offend anyone. Please Review, I LIVE on reviews.. Onegai. 'Til the next chapter!! 


	3. Training

Author's notes: Ano.I want to thank my reviewers!!! *Reaches out to hug Katie and Frog-toes* then again, maybe it's best I don't hug you guys, I wouldn't want you catch whatever it is that's making me sick.Anyway THANK YOU!!! You have no idea how good those reviews make me feel. As I said, I'm feeling a little under the weather, so if this chapter is a little strange, that's one of the reasons. Another is that my mind works strangely to begin with, so anything I write will be a little out there to begin with. ! Explanation! From now on the story should be a little clearer because Heero has the camera thingy. Before he got it memories are bound to be a little hazier because he can't watch them over an over again. Also, I realized something. If they did brain surgery then they would have shaved Heero's hair off and it grows back another color Gomen, but it didn't occur to me until it was posted and I couldn't think of a good way to fit it in.  
  
Disclaimer: D2- Disclaimer is still on it's outing with the owners of Gundam Wing, and is having too much fun to return to work yet. Needless to say, Triton is not with them because she does not own any part of GW.-  
  
Chapter 2- Training  
  
Only the blind truly appreciate sight. Especially those who became blind at some point in their life, or were cured of that blindness. Those are the ones that can realize exactly what sight is. Try explaining color or light to a blind person. I've yet to find a suitable explanation; it simply doesn't exist for them. And then, when that blindness is stripped away, the world is an entirely different place, a place alike to the old world, yet completely alien. Color is one of the most amazing things in the universe, and it transforms once familiar objects into the unknown. It's like learning to talk and walk all over gain. There are so many distractions to the previously black and white landscape. And the words. You have to learn the names of everything you thought you knew. The sky is blue (on clear days), the grass is green, except when it's yellow and brown, and the ocean, previously thought to be blue, is actually a grayish green.  
  
Now, imagine that you wake up one morning, and you try to move your arm to turn of that screeching radio. But you can't move. You try again, harder, and your arm moves. You reach for the radio, but instead of turning it off, your hand passes straight through it.  
  
These were the distractions that I had to deal with in those first weeks after the operation. I couldn't focus on anything because the colors kept distracting me, pulling my mind down paths of wonder that anything could ever be so amazing. I also discovered that I had a severely limited use of the powers that led us to be called "mutants". The first time it happened I was trying to communicate telepathically with one of the children I had a cautious truce with. Nothing. It bothered me a little, but I figured she was just blocking me. Then, one day when I had yet another splitting headache but not enough energy to reach for the Advil, I tried to lift it with my mind. Nothing happened. I tried again; I could feel the bottle, but somehow, I couldn't touch it. That alerted me to the fact that something was wrong. Cautiously, I delved into my own mind, slowly so as not to miss anything, and there it was. They had done more that change my eyes. Slowly, afraid of what I might find, I searched further, tracing the miniscule wires until I came to their purpose. What I found was the worst shock I had received in my life, including the surgery itself. They had choked off part of my mind! The chip formed a neat dome over the "supernatural" part of my brain, gold wires blocking some nerves and opening others wide. I had been transformed into a machine whose best use was as an assassin. Then I discovered the camera.  
  
That camera records everything I do; every move I make, every breath I take, it's watching me. *Triton starts singing with the radio.." Every move you make, every breath you take, I'll be watching you!" Sorry folks, I couldn't resist. Ano.I don't own the song either (name? Name?) * Everything I see or think is recorded and immediately sent to a memory bank both outside and inside my mind. It took me a long time to learn how to manipulate it fully, but I did have a lot of time on my hands. The organization couldn't be sure that I was a success until they had run a few batteries of tests on me and put me through some rather intense training.  
  
I was not allowed to leave my room with out the accompaniment of an officer, but for the first six months I didn't care. I was so busy sorting out my new powers of vision and the changes those wires made in my body that I didn't notice what they were doing to me. Strength testing, speed, both intellectually and physically, pain resistance and emotional balance. It wasn't until they started downloading war history into my memory that I woke up to reality. They wanted me to be an unfeeling killer, handing out death as if it was candy. They may even have been trying to get me to enjoy it.  
  
By the time I realized this it was too late. The experiments and training had been engraved so deeply into my soul that no matter how hard I struggled against it, I couldn't stop. I absorbed the videos of death and war with a straight face presented to the world. But inside, I was crying. And they knew it. They beat that child into submission, using every sort of punishment they could devise. They never beat me physically though. It wouldn't have helped them. The face I gave them was becoming more and more permanent, and they wanted to touch the most private chambers of my soul. In this, they failed. Others completed the training they attempted to give me, and it would be a long time before anyone was able to touch that crying child.  
  
The organization did, however, accomplish a few of their goals.  
  
I was no longer afraid of death. It had become a part of me, a part of the existence I was to lead in the world. I could kill without mercy or thought. The computer inside myself closed off more sections, dimming my child hood until that point into a blurry memory, only to be accessed if I asked for it, and I had no wish to relive those years and bring the helpless agony back. About a year and a half from the day my life altered completely, the leader deemed me a success, and sent me out to face the world. An eight-year-old "child" against the war ridded colonies, without direction but for the knowledge that I must find a way to become the soldier needed to end the wars.  
  
Notes: I apologize if this chapter is a little short, but it's a transition chapter. Yes to all of you who have read Episode Zero, next chapter is about Odin Lowe. I just had to get Heero to a situation where they can meet up. No, Heero is not yet the perfect soldier. I have plans for him before he becomes the Heero Yuy we all know. Heheheheheheheh.. anyway, thanks once again to my reviewers *waves wildly in their general direction* Please people, review!!!! I need support here, or I might become so depressed I stop writing (; I really don't want to do that because I like this story! Next chapter.. Soon, I hope. 


	4. The Stranger

Author's Note: I hope people realize that the only reason these chapters have been going up so (extremely) fast is that I have been sick at home with nothing to do all day (and I just got all my homework, AAAAHHHHHH!!!). Once I actually start going to school again, it'll be a longer interval (but I'm sure you figured that out already). On a happier note, I want to once again thank my reviewers ( Suni, thank you for the compliment and Katie, I'm glad you liked it! It was the best way I could think of to get Heero through the training without having a complete mental breakdown. This chapter is, as I mentioned earlier, about Heero's meeting with Odin Lowe. For all of you who haven't read Episode Zero he's..well you'll find out soon enough. For those of you who do know Odin, you'll understand why I say that this is where it starts getting more violent (well, maybe not quite yet, but it's coming up here). (Also, I changed the rating to PG-13. there are a lot of reasons, the main of which is that until I actually get some R content, it's pointless to keep it on R and stay hidden from most readers because the main screen comes up G-PG-13. I looked at some of my movies to see when I would need to change it back, but it didn't help me much. Would you believe that Princess Mononoke is rated PG-13?)  
  
Disclaimer: *stares into the dark swirling vortex that has appeared above it's desk, trying to figure out what bad combination it had consumed during it's small vacation that would create this sort of hallucination. Suddenly a light appears inside the vortex. It grows progressively nearer. It bursts out of the vortex and shoves Disclaimer out of its chair. When Disclaimer comes to, the only trace of the vortex is a slightly burned sheet of computer paper with this message on it* No anime of any kind currently belongs to Triton Bloom.  
  
Chapter 3- The Stranger  
  
After spending the last year or so confined to the same section of architecture, the outside world was a shock to me. Not to the extent that color or the loss of part of my mind had been, but enough to give me a glazed and helpless look as I wandered over the deserted grassland that made up that part of the colony (1). When a traveler found me and decided to "take me in" that dazedness in my face was no doubt greatly responsible for his impression that I was an innocent eight year old war orphan. I was standing at the bottom of a small hill gazing at nothing as I contemplated what I should do next when he found me. He almost tripped over me actually. It was getting dark and the artificial night cast strange shadows through the colony. I looked up at him as he stumbled, cursing.  
  
"You alright kid?" I didn't answer and he bent down to get a better look at me.  
  
"Kid, are you okay?" I just stared at him unable to remember what you were supposed to say in that sort of situation. The man stared at me, taking in the cheap T-shirt and cut-off shorts that had obviously been worn by at least five children before me.  
  
"Where are your parents kid?" I cocked my head questioningly at him, unsure what he was asking about. 'Parents' were not something that had ever made any impression in my life. They were something real children had, not me. He noticed my puzzlement.  
  
"Your parents, your mom and dad." He tried again. And then, I realized that he couldn't see that I wasn't human. That surprised me. I had always thought, shut up in that compound as I had been, that it was readily evident to anyone, any human, that we were mutants. Every human I had ever had contact with had known what I was and I thought there must be some sign, something that identified all of us as being less than human. I didn't even know what it was that made us mutants. I knew my own history certainly, but I had been called a mutant all my life and had never had a single thought that it might be otherwise. The fact that this total stranger was mistaking me for a lost human child opened my eyes to a new world of possibilities. No one would ever need to know that I wasn't everything I seemed to be. I was still unsure however, and I answered hesitantly.  
  
"'haven't got any parents."(2) He gave me an understanding look.  
  
"Any brothers or sisters?" It took me a moment to remember what brothers and sisters were. There weren't any twins at the compound and after learning the words as we learned the rest of the language we never used them again. I shook my head.  
  
"Have you got any family?" I had never had a family. Well, I suppose my friends before they started taking us away could count as family, but they could be dead for all I knew. I was certain I'd never see any of them again.  
  
"No"  
  
"What's your name?" I stared at him and shrugged before looking at my worn boots. The other children had called me Red, but that was years ago, and hardly appropriate now. For the last year and a half I had been referred to as "The Project". That wasn't even a semblance of a name. I looked up and shrugged again, sure he would figure out what I was now. But he just looked at me with pity in his eyes. "Poor kid." I just blinked at him. Seeing that he wasn't going to say anything more, I started to walk away. Before I had gone three feet I felt a hand on my elbow. Startled, I looked back at him, and he smiled at me.  
  
"Kid like you shouldn't be wandering around alone. At least let me give you some food and a blanket to sleep under until we get near to a town." I hadn't a clue what to do. Where I had spent my brief childhood, no one ever offered food or warmth, or even really cared if anyone else lived or died. All those things were in the past. Didn't he know there was a war going on? I was about to nod my consent when he bent over, grabbed me around the waist, swung me over his shoulder, and started to carry me to the place he had chosen to camp. Shock rendered me motionless for a moment before I started to struggle. I was not going to be treated like a helpless baby!  
  
"Calm down kid, I'm not taking no for an answer."  
  
"I'll walk."  
  
"Only if you promise not to run off. " I glared at his back, but I wasn't about to give up a chance at my first real food in three days.  
  
"I promise."  
  
"Good" He put me down and we continued on. Five minutes later he stopped and set down his pack, stretching. I stood there as if I was made of wood. Smiling slightly to himself he started unpacking, revealing a sleeping bag, blanket, cook stove, several packages of dried and instant food and a canteen among other things I couldn't recognize because they were wrapped in paper. He threw the canteen at me and I caught it easily not thinking that most eight year olds would need to use both hands (3). He raised an eyebrow before turning back to his pack.  
  
"There's a stream a little behind you, why don't you go get us some water."  
  
It wasn't really a question, so I went to go find the stream. I really wanted that food. When I returned with the dripping canteen in hand the man had set up a fairly cozy little campsite. I gave him the canteen and he started to make some kind of soup I couldn't recognize (beef, potatoes and corn) as I sat at the edge of the small circle of light the stove gave off. At one point as he was waiting for our dinner to finish simmering he looked up at me.  
  
"You can move closer, I'm not going to bite you." I moved closer to the warmth of the stove, wary of this stranger. He handed me a mug of the soup, taking another for himself. It wasn't anything special, but it was the best food I'd tasted since before they started that "Perfect Soldier Project". It also made me very sleepy to have hot food in me and I started dozing off right in front of the fire. I actually fell asleep for a while, only waking when he tucked the blanket around me. My eyes were heavy but I forced them open, determined to stay awake just a little longer so I could ask my question.  
  
"Who are you?" He smiled.  
  
"My name is Odin Lowe." I nodded drowsily and let my insistent eyelids close. Notes: I decided not to do Heero's entire experience with Odin all in one chapter. For what I'm going to try, it's simply too long for that. If this chapter seemed a little short, I'm sorry. It seemed like a good place to stop. Time should progress more slowly now for a while (it'll skip some, I'm not going to go over every day for two years, just a couple important ones here and there), and I'm going to mess with it in other ways too. The Timeline says that Heero leaves Odin and meets Doctor J in AC188, but I think that even with the training J will put him through, seven years is too much time. Besides, I have an idea I want to try with some original characters of my own hehehehe. I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please Read and Review!!  
  
There seem to be a lot of these in Episode Zero * shrugs* maybe it's farmland or something. I wrote this line and realized why it sounded so familiar. I think Peter Pan says it in J.M. Barry's Peter Pan. I don't own it, no matter how much I love the story. I figure most eight year olds' hands are too small to catch a full size canteen with one hand, but Heero did go through all that training right? (They had to have taught him how to make up for his size if they send him out at eight..) [Oh, and I corrected my little age mess up in chapter two. Heero was colorblind for the first seven years of his life.] 


	5. Odin Lowe

Author's notes: Yes, yes, I know, I've been taking my own sweet time in updating this fic, but I do have a good reason, really. Between makeup work, regular homework and my mom banning me from the computer in favor of cleaning, I really haven't had a chance to write anything. I plan to put up at least two chapters this weekend (I have four days off, yes!!). Anyway, as I was writing this chapter, I figured out that I screwed up time more than I thought I did. Heero, Quatre, Duo, and Wu-fei were all born in AC 180, five years after Heero Yuy's death. In Ac 188, Heero leaves Odin, for reasons that all of you who have read Episode Zero know, and I don't want to spoil it for the rest of you yet. He's eight years old, and he spent at least to years with Odin. That's where I messed up. I have him as nearly eight when they meet, so I want you all to understand that he is actually six years old. I'll change it when I can access my saved copies of the chapters.. But I can't do it right now, so just bear with me.  
  
Disclaimer: No, I don't own Gundam Wing, and I never will. Can you imagine how much fan mail I'd have to answer if I did?  
  
Chapter 4- Odin Lowe  
  
When I woke in the morning it was to the smell of sausages and toast. Confused and disoriented I lay still and watched my strange traveler. Odin Lowe seemed to have no idea I was awake as he unpacked the paper wrapped parcels and started fiddling with the contents of one of them. The cook stove blocked my view and I couldn't see what it was. As the events of the night before assembled themselves into a coherent order I shifted slightly underneath my blanket. Immediately Odin was looking down at me and smiling, the paper wrapped package nowhere in sight.  
  
"So you're awake are you? Good." I sat up, leaving the blanket where it was despite the cool morning air as I crawled over to the stove and stared up into his face, seeing him in an entirely new light. I wasn't sure, but I didn't think that most people would have noticed the slight shift I had made.  
  
"Who are you?" Tact and subtlety in social situations was not something anyone had ever taken the time to teach me. Why bother when I kept my mouth clamped shut most of the time anyway? Odin laughed softly,  
  
"Odin Lowe."  
  
"That's not an answer." I glared up at him, determined to find out why he was willing to take in an unknown child and how he had detected my movement so easily. Odin just pulled toast and sausages off the stove and handed me my share.  
  
"We should reach the town by this evening, depending on how fast you can travel." Change of subject. Obviously I was going to have to figure out who he was for myself.  
  
"What will you do with me when we get there?"  
  
"See if I can find someone who'll take you in, or try to find your relatives." It took me a moment to remember relatives.  
  
"But I don't have any relatives." This I was sure of.  
  
"Well the least I can do is get you some new clothes." He finished pacing up the stove and folded my blanket.  
  
"You done?" I nodded, wiping my greasy hands on the already filthy shorts as I stood up.  
  
"Let's go then." He set off at what I then considered to be a brisk pace, but later found was slower than he was used to. I had to trot a little to keep up with him but my training stood me in good stead as I maintained that pace all afternoon, even managing to eat the bread and cheese we shared for lunch as we traveled. Odin didn't say anything but I could see the surprise in his eyes when I caught him watching me. We reached the town around three in the afternoon.  
  
After asking directions of a passing pedestrian we headed towards the information center. While Odin tried to find anything he could about me and my parentage (they did a DNA and fingerprint scan), I snuck into the room behind the desk and accessed one of the computers, using my training once again to hack through to the colonies' information bans and search for anything on Odin Lowe. Nothing. I tried the Earth sphere and again, nothing. Then I pushed through to military files, where a stray mention led me to OZ.  
  
There I found information on several assassinations, mostly of high-ranking military officials and minor politicians. Memorizing the names and everything I could find about Lowe himself, I once more entered the colonies' files and erased all information on myself and the project that had created me. I think the secretary in the next room was startled when the lead she was following suddenly vanished, leaving her staring at a blank screen as if she had done nothing.  
  
Odin looked at me curiously when I reappeared at his elbow.  
  
"You won't find anything." He considered me seriously for a moment before nodding and turning out of the office, thanking the bewildered secretary on our way.  
  
We started towards the nearest mall in silence. Neither of us spoke until I was trying on the more formal clothing one of the clerks had picked out for me. Then he asked, obviously curious, "What did you find out?" I ignored the fact that he had known what I was doing. Being what I knew him to be he was bound to notice more than most people.  
  
"You're an assassin." He froze for an instant, shocked that I had been able to find that. There was a glimmer of his eyes as he forced himself to relax.  
  
"That doesn't scare you?" he asked, as I emerged from the dressing room in long pants and a cream white collared shirt. I stared at him, expressionless.  
  
"Why should it?"  
  
"Because I've killed more people than you've met."  
  
"No, it doesn't scare me."  
  
"I could kill you."  
  
"No you couldn't." He raised an eyebrow. I smiled, just a little.  
  
"All your guns are wrapped in paper in that pack, I'd be gone before you could get one out." He chuckled, amazed and incredulous as he nodded.  
  
"All right, why are you sticking around then? Is it the food? The clothes?" I shook my head.  
  
"Why then?" I thought about it. The computer in my mind provided it's own reason. I needed to be trained. But another part of me had been drawn to me from the beginning.  
  
"You're the first person who's showed me any kindness." My tongue nearly tripped over the unfamiliar, as alien to my vocabulary as brother and sister. Odin Lowe, assassin of OZ, noticed my stumble.  
  
"I don't suppose you'd tell me what happened to you." It didn't require an answer. I picked up the sports jacket that accompanied my slacks.  
  
"I want you to train me."  
  
"What?" I glanced back at him as I shrugged into the coat.  
  
"I need to learn to be an assassin, and to survive in this world. Not many people would tae me in as you have. I need to now what lies to tell, what to as for, how to act." He regarded me seriously for a moment, then-  
  
"We'll need to do some more shopping if you're going to travel with me." I smiled at him, probably the first real smile of my life. He smiled back, and neither of us realized then that it was a rare event for each of us.  
  
By the time we left that town I had an entirely new wardrobe with a T-shirt nowhere to be seen. For some reason Odin always made sure I had nice clothes. No matter that he himself dressed in sturdy pants with a T-shirt and jacket, no matter how much it cost him, I always had collared shirts with vests or ties, good pants or shorts with a sports jacket and nice yet durable shoes. When got closer to winter he bought me a heavier coat and boots. Sometimes I thought he did it because he could pass me off as a well-off schoolboy to aid his own disguise of retired musician, but other times I decided that he really enjoyed caring for me with the best he could get. I still don't now the truth, but I probably wouldn't have been able to hide myself so well if he hadn't done that. People are less likely to notice someone who looks well provided for than someone who wears the cheapest clothes they can get.  
  
I also had my own pack to carry my new outfits, a blanket, rope, a torch (flashlight), matches, a knife, and the laptop I later convinced him to buy me.  
  
We set off, traveling anywhere we felt lie, or where Odin's assignments led him. As we traveled he taught me everything I needed to now to survive. How to lie, how to act so much at home that I became invisible, or at least unremarkable. Most of all, he taught me how to use the weapons he carried with him, and how to get them and others when I needed them.  
  
About a year after he stumbled over me in the dark, he bought me my first gun. He said it was because he couldn't keep lending me his whenever he had to leave me alone on a mission, but I could see the approval in his eyes and it warmed that inner part of me that my training had tried so hard to destroy. I was still a seven-year-old child, and I longed for approval from my 'father'; even if part of me still cried at the violence we both committed. The mask of emotionless blankness became both lighter and more permanent in the two years I spent with the OZ assassin. I could lift it easily, but I wore it every waking moment otherwise. I thin it was the knowledge that I was destroying lives that did that. It wasn't a conscience thought, I couldn't realize it fully, but the knowledge was there. Odin never let me get close enough to see those I killed, always giving me long range weapons or explosives to set off at a certain time. They were his missions, but I think he was to protect me, to save part of me from the pain he new it would cause me. And it worked.  
  
That was a good time for me. Half of it was training, but the other half was all the childhood I got. I learned what it was to have a father, someone who cared for me in more than just food and clothes, but on a more personal level. And even though I hated the things he did, I couldn't help but care for him as well.  
  
Notes: The next chapter should be the end of Heero's time with Odin, all the stuff in Episode Zero. I got writer's block and couldn't take this one any further. From now on (or rather, Wednesday on), chapters may only come once a week; depending on how much time I can find to write. I really am trying. I'm thinking about stopping this story when I get to the series and maybe doing another one on Heero's thoughts about various events in the series (If I can get the money and the willpower to go buy the series so I can do a decent job of it..). Then maybe I'll connect an after Endless Waltz story to it.. maybe, if I get enough reviews so that I don't lose heart completely. And I'm sorry if time seems to be going too fast, or it's not detailed enough. I need feedback to be able to fix those things!!! And it really should get more detailed. After this next chapter I'll be working completely from my own mind and it won't have to really fit with anything. Besides, Heero'll be at a more manageable age soon, I don't now how to write about small children very well.. 


	6. Partings

Author's Note: Whhhheeeeeeeeeeeee! Almost done with Odin's bit! I've been having a little trouble with this. The fic doesn't seem to flow like I want it to, and I feel like time is passing too quickly; there should be more detail, more of a look into Heero's mind. I also keep catching myself trying to switch to someone else's perspective, like how does Odin see this boy he's 'adopted'. But I'm getting through it, and soon it will get better.. I hope. Anyway, please review, I can really use any comments or ideas you have. Since this is all from Heero's view, I can't put in everything involved so I'll explain at the end. Mmmmmm. If this chapter is too short maybe I'll put a bit of the next one at the end.maybe. (Lots of direct quotes from the manga here, so bear with me a little).  
  
Disclaimer: Do I really have to say it? I mean you all know the drill right? Okay, Okay...*mumbles* I don't own Gundam Wing or Episode Zero * stops mumbling* But I do have a copy of it!! And a lot of this is direct quotes, but I didn't want to put yet another set of quotes around them. It's mostly the spoken stuff.  
  
Chapter 5-Partings  
  
The spaceport was nearly empty, not unusual on a Wednesday morning, but it made me feel conspicuous. I could feel the gun under my jacket shifting slightly with every step; I was sure someone would notice us, think we were unusual. Even after two years I was sure it shouldn't be quite this easy. I tried to practice what Odin had taught me. I tried to be a carefree eight-year-old boy (remember, he was six when Odin found him, I would've changed it, but ff.net was being stubborn last night), but I couldn't do it. Instead I opted for the silent, shy little boy and tried to look innocent. It must have worked because no one stopped us; or it could have just been Odin. He was very good at his job and no one would ever think by looking at him that the case he carried held anything other than the musical instrument he claimed it to be. Odin was the sort of guy that everyone could like on sight, and only hate once they knew him. He gave an impression of "well you know how it goes, we're all in this together, even if it is a mess". I could never manage it, but then, I had a lot less experience. I think it gets easier over time, but I'll never know for sure because I seem to be stuck on the silent guy who's ignored only because he never does anything. Either way though, we got up to the final check in counter without meeting anything but smiles. I had long ago learned that shuttle security is far from adequate, and the best way to get by is to offer to have everything checked. Usually they just wave you on, convinced that no one so willing to be searched is hiding something.  
  
The man who gave us the final pass was no different. He was slightly curious about our destination, but Odin put him off easily.  
  
"* Odin Lowe, you're a musician?"  
  
"Used to be, now I just carry it around as a hobby. I'm traveling with my son." I never told him, but every time he called me his son, even though I knew it was just a cover, it made me feel wanted, cared for. I would have given anything for him to call me his son when it was just us, not a cover; even if he only did it once. The least he could have done was given me a name. But no, I don't know if he thought I had amnesia and hoped my name would come back to me or just didn't want to get to attached, but he never called me much of anything. Just kid, or you. He never really needed anything else with just the two of us.  
  
The man smiled at me.  
  
"Your destination is X-18999? I thought that colony wasn't completed yet..?"  
  
"Like it says, we're not going there for a vacation."  
  
"A former musician doing hard labor like colony construction?"  
  
"I've been told I'm an odd one. Let's go." We left, the clerk watching curiously for a moment before turning back to his computer. After walking a few moments in silence, Odin bent down to me.  
  
"Hey, try to act a little more like family, eh? That's our contract." I smiled at him as the child inside laughed out right.  
  
"Hmm, okay Dad."  
  
The flight to the colony was uneventful. I used the time to do a little research on the place. X-18999 was the newest colony and was due to be completed by the next year. It had been founded by the colonies' foundations, but the Alliance space force had heavily influenced the construction. I stared into the window that showed the starry void of space while I waited for Odin. He came up quietly.  
  
"What-cha looking at? The void of space, which took everything away from you? Or your own image, a face without a name?" I had told him once that all my troubles began in space. I was talking about my life itself, but he seemed to think I had been in an accident, and since I didn't want him to know the truth, I never told him otherwise. But his second guess was the right one. I was once again contemplating my existence, and wishing that the chip in my head would just shut up and go away so that I could enjoy this time I had alone, without any reminders of what I had been created to do. But I wouldn't tell him that. It led to too many questions.  
  
"Why. did you come to this colony?" For some reason, because he had told me nothing except that we were leaving, this was extremely important to me. I had to know what he was planning.  
  
"To abandon you." His reply tore something inside me. I wasn't ready to face the world alone, no matter what he thought. I didn't even hear the rest of what he said. Something about my settling down in the confusion after he was done. He'd taught me everything I needed to survive. No, I thought. Not everything. You could have taught me to love, you could have taught me friendship. But now you'll throw it all away and leave me alone again. I don't want to be alone! Despair was replaced by anger and I reached under my jacket for my gun. He honestly thought he could just say, "Bye, I've taught you everything you need, now go away?" I cocked the gun, and he stopped talking.  
  
"Who are you going to kill this time?" I knew he was going to kill someone important if there was going to be a lot of confusion. I didn't like it.  
  
"Septem, of the Alliance Space Force. This'll be my last job, so you should go to school and live a normal life." Was that it? Was he protecting me once again? I wouldn't stand for it. I'd follow him in any way I could.  
  
"I'll decide what I'm going to do." He laughed softly and gave me a little more information about the mission. One of the rebel armies had gotten a hold of some mobile suits and was attacking the command center. I was supposed to create as much confusion as I could so that Odin could get close enough to kill Septem. I had a bazooka. We stood on the roof of part of the command center and watched the battle unfold. The rebel army was being held back by a group of 'specials', the aristocratic branch of soldiers in OZ.  
  
"Hmm, there seems to be a rather clever man in command."  
  
"The rebels are just amateurs, they need to take out the frontline command center or they'll be individually targeted." I had nothing but pity for the disorganized soldiers who could be out smarted by an eight year old. Even if that eight year old was me.  
  
"That's right. That's why they need men like me." I grinned slightly.  
  
"That's a nice train of thought." He laughed.  
  
"Yeah. Here's one last bit of good advice. No matter what happens, always follow your feelings." I watched him, knowing there was more and thinking that if he told me that, he couldn't stop me from following him when he tried to leave me behind.  
  
"Once, some idiot fired a single shot.. And changed the course of history." He was talking about himself. Over the time I'd spent with him, I'd found that if there was one act that he could never forgive himself of, it was the assassination of a man who had not been on that list I found. And I knew, from bits and pieces that he gave me, that the man he'd killed was Heero Yuy, and that he blamed himself for the war and all the suffering the orphans like myself had to endure. That may have been the reason he took care of me. To try to atone for some of the pain he had caused.  
  
"After that, I left the organization and just lived from day to day." Two soldiers showed up at the door to the stairs.  
  
"Hey, What are you doing over there?" Odin threw his knife at one while I tackled the other. His head hit the hard tile, knocking him unconscious. Odin gave me a rueful grin.  
  
"However carefully you plan you never know if some fool is going to change the future." He started to strip one of the men of his uniform.  
  
"So you may as well do what your heart tells you, so you don't regret it later. That's the right path for people who live in the present." He pulled on the uniform, making sure the helmet didn't get in the way of his sight.  
  
"Okay, this is goodbye." I couldn't say it. I didn't really believe that I'd never see him again. So instead I gave him some advice.  
  
"Don't overdo it. You're old now." He gave another smile. I think he was forcing himself to be cheerful.  
  
"Huh, not something I want to hear from a kid. Don't get killed." He left, leaving me to do as I saw fit. I headed for the command center, running so that I wouldn't have time to think. I didn't want to acknowledge that Odin really thought we would never meet again. So much so that he might get himself killed, having nothing more to live for. When I reached it, I aimed for the main command center, determined to do as much damage as I could. Odin was right; their commander really was quick on his feet. He got his mobile suit in front of it, blocking my shot. Out of ammunition, I had nothing else to do. I headed back to where Odin was, hoping to convince him to take me with him when he left, and needing to make sure he was all right.  
  
As I trotted through the corridors, I heard gunshots. I started running towards the sound, passing a bald man with a mustache as I went.  
  
"Odin!" He propped himself on his elbow, ignoring the bullet wounds in his chest. I knew what those meant, but I wasn't ready to believe it. Not Odin, the man who had cared for me for two years and been able to avoid nearly all injuries during that time.  
  
"Hey, I shoulda listened to your advice.. I've.gotten old." I was in denial.  
  
"Wait here, I'll secure us an escape route."  
  
".Too late. Listen; don't forget what I told you.. before we left.. It's the last advice this old fool can give you." I couldn't speak.  
  
"Th-the last few years. we spent together. w-weren't so. bad.." And the man I had begun to consider my father died, something dropping out of his hand as his fingers relaxed. I picked it up and stared at it unseeing for a moment before I realized what it was. A detonator.  
  
"So this. Is the job you left unfinished.." I was mumbling to myself, unable to absorb what had happened. I raised the detonator and pressed the button. As the entire command center went up in flames I ran out, out and away from Odin's body and everything it represented.  
  
Soon it started to rain, and I wandered through the empty streets and half finished buildings, screaming inside but unable to lift the mask and let my agony through. Most of me was still in shock, uncaring that the rain had soaked me through and I would probably get a bad cold from being out in it. It took me three days to accept it, and even then I couldn't cry. I needed to cry, the pain and emptiness was pounding through my mind and soul, and I couldn't get it out. Then I realized, much too far away to go back and have any chance of retrieving it, that I had left my jacket at the base. And my gun. For some reason, I considered that gun the most meaningful thing I had from Odin that I could actually hold in my hand. A child needs to be able to touch the world he lives in. The fact that I had left it behind snapped something inside me. The same something that had torn when he told me he was going to abandon me.  
  
I completely lost it. When I came to myself hours later my throat was raw and swollen from screaming and crying, and I could feel the dried tears all over my face. My voice was an unidentifiable croak and I couldn't stop sobbing. I sat in the shadows of a half completed building and sobbed hoarsely. My body rebelled and I was soon on my hands and knees, dryly heaving, trying to throw up but unable to because I hadn't eaten in days. Odin was gone. I'd never see him again, never hear him laugh or see him smile. I would never again watch him make our meals, or clean his weapons. We'd never go shopping for my clothes again, and I'd never again feel his hand on my shoulder, encouraging and comforting at the same time. He would never call me son again.  
  
I don't know how long I stayed there, howling out my sorrows, but it must have been quite a while because my muscles, completely exhausted by my outburst, were ready to collapse. I spent another two days recovering and then set off to find some food. As pathetic as I looked it was easy for me to beg food and a little money off some of the workers. I didn't dare go near the base. After a week of trying to find something I could do, I found that some of the workers were going home. As the small group of four or five loaded up their truck, I tugged on one of the women's sleeves and looked up at her with all the pain and loneliness I could muster, and I had a lot just then.  
  
"Onegai, take me with you.Onegai." (Onegai is please in Japanese.I think, someone correct me if I'm wrong) She stared down at me, surprised. Some of the other workers looked up from their loading.  
  
"What's up Naomi?"  
  
"This kid wants us to take him with us." They watched me for a moment and I stared back in silence. Then one of the men with sandy hair, who seemed to be a leader of sorts, smiled at me.  
  
"I'm sure we can get him to somewhere he can contact his relatives. Where are your parents kid?" I started crying then. I couldn't help it. He reminded me of Odin, and the way he too had taken me in, no questions asked. The tears rendered me speechless and I shook my head.  
  
"An orphan." One of the others whispered. The sandy haired man's eyes softened.  
  
"Where do you need to go to be safe kid?" I said the first thing I could think of. A colony that Odin and I had spent a lot of time at. I knew he had a home there, and I could get to it and get the money I would need to find a school. I was ready to do as he had asked me to.  
  
"L3 colony." He nodded.  
  
"I don't think any of us are headed there, we're mostly for L4, but we can make sure you get on a shuttle." The others nodded in agreement.  
  
I rode with them as far as the spaceport where they all pitched in and gave me some money for a ticket. That was all there was time for before they got on their shuttle. I looked down at myself and realized that no one would let me buy a ticket and get on a shuttle by myself in the state I was in. My vest was ripped and the rest of my clothes were in sore need of a washing. I needed a bath.  
  
It took me a while, but I finally managed to find a bathroom that had an inside lock on the door. Once inside I stripped off my stained clothes and tried to repair some of the damage, working on myself at the same time. I had to wait a few hours for everything to dry, but I did manage to make myself presentable once more. My shorts and collared shirt were clean if a little bleached, my socks were once more white, my shoes looked as if they had never walked on anything slightly resembling dusty asphalt and my vest didn't have any sign of a tear, mainly because it had had tow layers and I had torn off the first one. I used the extra material as an under garment to try and make up for the lack of a jacket. When I finally stepped out of that bathroom I was an only slightly less well-off schoolboy. I was ready to face the world again.  
  
I approached the ticket counter skipping a little, as if I was really looking forward to something. I even managed to get a shy smile to stay on my face. The clerk I chose was a young woman who looked to have enough authority that if I got past her, I should have no problems.  
  
"Excuse me, I'd like to but a ticket to colony L3 please." She stared down at me curiously. I held up the wad of money the workers had given me.  
  
"Are you here with your parents?"  
  
"No, I'm on my way to visit my grandfather. Dad couldn't stay to make sure I got on the shuttle." She frowned. "Why not?"  
  
"Because he had this really important meeting he had to go to. He tried to stay but his secretary dragged him out to the car, insisting that I could do fine by myself. I have done this before, on the way here." I told the poor lady this pack of lies with out ever changing expression. It was hard, but I managed to keep the innocent smile on my face. I beamed up at her.  
  
"Well, in that case I suppose it's alright if I give you a ticket.how old are you?" Remember what I said about spaceport security? It was entirely too easy.  
  
"Twelve." I lied. I knew she would never, no matter what the case, allow an eight year old on a shuttle alone.  
  
"Dad says I'm small for my age." My smile was becoming easier. I had a sudden urge to burst out laughing, the irony of the situation almost too much for my nerve wracked condition. But the smile seemed to be having the desired effect. She smiled back at me.  
  
"I'm sure you'll grow plenty soon." She handed me my ticket.  
  
"Your flight leaves in half an hour." I beamed at her once more in thanks and ran towards the gate, fighting the urge to do a few cartwheels. A few hours ago I had been deeply depressed and now I was on an emotional high, feeling freer than I had ever felt before. This was what I was good at!  
  
I boarded the shuttle and immediately hacked into the computer at the back of the seat. Within minutes I had accessed my own laptop, which had been left at Odin's home. I memorized the address and the local metro system so that I could be sure of getting there. That done I slipped into the most peaceful sleep I had had since Odin's death. When I reached L3 I made my way to the apartment without mishap and prepared to start my new life. What I didn't realize was that I had already attracted the attention of someone who would prove to be even more ruthless than the scientists who had created me.  
  
Notes: Sorry about the cliffhanger, I needed to end this and that seemed like a good way to do it. Don't worry; you won't have to wait long. I plan to have the next chapter up sometime tomorrow afternoon.  
  
So what do you think? Was Heero a little too OOC? I figured, even if he has all that training, he's still a child, and he had to have a great deal of respect for Odin, if nothing else. Also, keep in mind that before this, Heero has never had a dead body in front of him, much less the body of someone he knew well and admired. That's a pretty big blow to anyone. The smile and emotional high there at the end may have been a little too much, but I think that it's an automatic reflex. There's denial, acceptance, and then, after you've hurt so much that your body and mind can't handle it any more, it slips to another gear and you become alarmingly and painfully cheerful. I could be wrong, but that's my interpretation of it. Thank you to my reviewers once again, If you leave an e-mail address I will try to e-mail you back, but it might be a while 'cause I've been having some trouble with ff.net and I want to get the chapters up!!! This actually turned out much longer than I thought it would be so.please tell me what you think!! Was I way too close to the manga? Did I mangle Heero? (I don't think I did, but if you tell me why you do (if you do) then I'll explain my thoughts, and tell you whether I can see what you're saying.) And I will fix that age thing as soon as ff.net decides to stop messing around with my account. AAARRGGGHHH Why won't it let me update?!?!? ( yes I know. it's down.) Review, review, review!!!! Onegai!!  
  
P.S. What do you think? Should Heero go to Earth and meet Relena in AC191?  
  
Explanation: Dekim Barton organizes the attack, using Quinze as the rebel army and Septem gets the communications back up right before Odin tries to kill him. Two soldiers get in the way, Odin is shot in the leg as he tries to escape. The rebel troops retreat, Heero shoots Treize (yes, Treize, and guess what. He's saving Noin's life.). Dekim shoots Odin as revenge for killing Heero Yuy, Septem muses that he thought Odin was retired after Septem commissioned him to shoot Yuy. Odin has wired the whole building, Heero blows it up, Septem turns the colony weather system on to put out the fire. Treize wakes up in a hospital with Leia Barton as his nurse, they agree that Septem is incompetent. We can assume that this is how Mariemaia shows up. And it's all Heero's fault heheheheheh.. The rest of it I made up. The manga says, "Nothing is known of the subsequent history of the boy who would later be called Heero Yuy." The next bit is him meeting Doctor J, that same year, but I'm going to change that. With the training Heero already has, seven years is too long for his training, and besides, if I didn't change it, the whole reason I started writing this would be obsolete.. REVIEW!!! 


	7. Hawks on Red Wings

Authors note: Hello, hello.. yes I know, I said I'd probably have this chapter up on Tuesday but, well...I've been a little depressed lately. It happens every once in a while. I get extremely, incredibly bored with just about everything. Also, the temptation to read fics instead of writing them is so strong.. Anyway, this is where we get into the reason I'm writing this. [If you don't want to read my ramblings about how I came up with the idea, skip to the next paragraph] For a long time I've been messing with the idea that Heero should really tell everyone about his past. During these musings, I came up with the idea that Heero was involved with a gang of assassins (or something along those lines). I made up a name, and a uniform, and a very strict code that Heero broke when he left and now they're trying to kill him. (Only sometimes they wanted him to do a special job for them). So Heero gets into this situation and has to tell everyone about his past because obviously they aren't oblivious to the fact that some unknown guy is talking to Heero like an old friend, calling him a completely different name at a gathering of some kind (I never worked that bit out..). For some reason I always thought that Heero must have some sort of record of his past (or maybe it was just more entertaining to me), so he first he has all this stuff, progressing into video clips (which is where the camera in the eye thing eventually came from, and the computer thing too, though slightly different than it is here) and him telling all his thoughts. (If there's one thing I find annoying in most anime it's that people don't talk enough. I want to know reasons!!) I decided it'd be better to write the past from Heero's view than look back completely, with comments and interruptions (though those can be fun!). Or I could..well, I wouldn't want to ruin it for you would I?  
  
Anyway, that's all after Endless Waltz, as is my other fic about the G- boys' kids and Relena pounding Heero into the dust. So it really doesn't matter right now, unless people decide they really want to read that (no I have not posted it). This bit takes place in the 'unknown time' before doctor J. And I really do want to know if anyone out there thinks that Heero and Relena should meet before the series..cause there's material and it'd be easy to do. Anyway.please r&r.  
  
Disclaimer: Triton-dono does not own Gundam Wing, or any of the bird names mentioned in this chapter. Though why you would ever think she would I don't know..  
  
P.S. I'm pretty sure all the characters except Heero are original creations of my own (I might mention a few other people. I'll put an asterisk by their names). If you want to use them, or any of the ideas in this fic, please e-mail me with a request. I do read a lot of fanfiction and if I find a story that is quite obviously using a character or idea of mine (not general, but specific ideas, like the mutant and camera stuff, including my jargon.) then I will send the author 1. A nice e-mail, and 2., if it's hugely plagiarism, a rather.er.pointed e-mail. Thanks to all of you who bother to review for me!! (And the rest of you too..but it's so easy to push the button at the bottom, it takes, at the most, five minutes.please)[Bold typing is my own thoughts in the story]  
Chapter 6- Hawks on Red Wings  
  
About thirty years ago the colonies started having problems with gangs. These problems were never made public on earth, or even worried about much by many people. Most of the gangs were fairly harmless, and the people who joined them could be called delinquent teenagers, or, in the case of older members, eccentric. But on Colony L3, the citizens did worry, because the most prominent gang at their colony wasn't made up of teenagers and adults. Its members consisted of young children who had, before the war, been stolen off the streets and trained to be gods-only-know-what by the twisted man behind it all. But then it was just a myth, not something too many people took seriously. Once the war started, the number of orphans caused the gang to expand dramatically, and revealed some of their purpose. The face that the gang showed to the public was of a group of highly trained assassins and spies.  
  
They called themselves the Bloody Hawks, and the things they did were highly classified by L3. Both citizens and leaders knew that the military would only make the situation worse, so they kept the gang's entire existence a secret. Anyone who has ever spent time on L3, or grown up in the colonies, has some idea of what they are.  
  
Even though the Bloody Hawks had long ago gained enough members to support their activities, they were constantly on the look out for promising young boys (no girls) that showed particular talents to help enhance the skill level of all members. At the time I had entered a public school dedicated to the pacifist leader Heero Yuy (funny how that keeps coming up isn't it?). Because of my age (and size), I was placed in the second grade, with children just learning to read, and struggling. I don't really remember when it was that I first started reading. I just know that I had full command of English and Japanese as well as several code languages by the time I met Odin. Needless to say, the classes were laughably easy for me. The simple math and grammar they were learning bored me stiff.  
  
It took them a week to catch up with me. I was walking through a park near Odin's apartment, on my way 'home' after another boring day. I was frustrated with the need to do something, anything. Out of sheer exasperation I started running, not caring where I went as long as I was far away from anything that could remind me of the past. All I remember of that run is glimpses of startled faces as I flashed by, large buildings, open fields, the flash or bight light and color. At some point, someone grabbed my elbow. I stopped and looked up at them, hoping that I could get free and keep running without problems. The young man who held my arm was about twice my size with blazing red hair and hazel eyes. He was wearing a red jacket with black trim, made mostly of leather, with black jeans and light boots. There was a steel pin in the shape of a hawk, and another of flames on his jacket, along with some others I couldn't recognize immediately. I could tell by his expression that I wouldn't be going anywhere if he didn't want me to. "Nani?" (what) He watched me curiously, as if I was a problem he needed to solve.  
  
"Why are you running?" I shrugged. His eyes narrowed.  
  
"What's your name, where're your parents?" I stared at him a moment, unsure of how to answer. What was it about those questions? Was there some law in humans' minds that didn't allow them to speak without those questions? Was no one allowed to remain anonymous? All the same, it couldn't hurt to tell him the truth, and I was burning to tell someone. I was tired of being lost. Someone had to know who I was.  
  
"I haven't got any parents. Or a name." That made him look closer.  
  
"Who are you staying with boyo?"  
  
"No one." He seemed surprised, and a little sad. But there was an expectant gleam in his eyes when he next spoke.  
  
"I know a place where you can stay. Do you want to come?" I thought about it. There was always Odin's apartment to go back to; but I couldn't deal with that yet.  
  
"What sort of place?" He laughed.  
  
"Cautious sort aren't you. It's a place where you can learn anything you want, and we've got food and beds." Learn anything I wanted? Food? The two things I needed most in the world just then, bored and hungry as I was. (Odin did not have much food stocked in his home.) The youth asked again.  
  
"How 'bout it. You wanna come?"  
  
"Hai." I managed a small smile, and he laughed again.  
  
"Come on then boyo, dinner's at six sharp, we wouldn't want to be late." We started off, sometimes jogging, sometimes walking, until we reached what looked like a school campus. My companion typed something into the panel next to the door, causing the door to open by sliding sideways, not inward as I had thought it would. The world I entered then was unlike any I had ever seen before.  
  
Behind the door was a long corridor with many doorways off it at irregular intervals. We bypassed all of these, took one of many cross-corridors and followed it to its end. There was another set of doors, but these were of cherry wood and had steel designs in the form of a phoenix, rising from copper flames. Beyond that doorway was what I would later learn to call the mess hall. It was a large, high-ceilinged room with about twenty or thirty large round tables and a sort of stage at the far end. The boys who were already sitting, or traveling in that direction, seemed to have specific seats, factions that kept them separate from each other.  
  
"Why are the tables in groups? Everyone seems to belong at a certain place." The redheaded youth at my side grinned.  
  
"Observant aren't you. The tables represent our flocks; everyone belongs to a flock, which is run by the Captain. I'm the Captain of the Raptors." I cocked my head to one side.  
  
"Are they all birds?"  
  
"Of course they're birds." I didn't understand what he meant.  
  
"Which flock will I be in?"  
  
"Well that depends on what you study, how good you are, and who chooses you. You'll start out with the other fledglings. Every four months or so we have a flight. The most promising sparrows are chosen by the Captains to join flocks. Since I brought you in, I get kills to you when it's your turn to be flown." I blinked at him. What? He noticed my confusion.  
  
"Don't worry, you're a fast flitter, you'll pick it up soon enough." Of course this left me only slightly less confused. If he thought I'd understand soon, I'd take his word for it. He led me to a line of other boys, some teenagers, and some 10-13 year olds. No one there was as young as me. Most of the other boys seemed to be wearing the same outfit as he was, but without most of the pins. In fact, as I watched them socialize with each other I realized that the pins were marks of rank; my companion was of much higher rank than most people in the room.  
  
"So who's the fledgling Cardinal?" It was a boy of about twelve years with sandy hair and dark eyes. I realized he was referring to me, and that fledglings must be without rank. The child addressing 'Cardinal' watched me with interest.  
  
"I found him dashing through the territory like he was going to out race the wind. He doesn't have family, or a name." He grinned, glancing down at me. "He doesn't talk much, but he's sharp, noticed the flocks right off, probably figured out rank by now too." I stared at him expressionlessly; knowing that anything I did here for a while would play directly into someone's plans for me. If Cardinal was any example, I'd have to be careful if I wasn't going to reveal my secrets.  
  
"Is your name Cardinal then?"  
  
"Yeah, and this is Cooper, my second in command. You'll be sitting with us today." I glanced over their uniforms, noticing differences and similarities.  
  
"Is that hooked beak the raptor sign?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"And yours has a gold stripe 'cause you're Captain, and his is silver 'cause he's second." Cooper looked shocked and Cardinal laughed at his friend.  
  
"Told you he was sharp didn't I?"  
  
By this time we were close enough to the kitchen to see the food and Cooper had to get me a tray; I was too short to reach. I glared at him for a moment, trying to communicate that I could have gotten it myself, but the smell of food was too powerful to resist. As I made my way through the line I heard a lot of comments on my size and obvious displacement in my collared shirt and tie coupled with blue jean shorts. The mask wouldn't lift even if I wanted to, and my face remained calm and blank as I piled food on my tray. I hadn't eaten food that good since before we started that last job. When he came out of the salad bar to find me waiting for him Cardinal laughed. He was by far the most cheerful person I'd met in my life.  
  
"You sure you can eat all that boyo?" I just nodded and followed him wordlessly to a table in the middle the room. As he and Cooper talked about work and missions and how the fledglings were doing I ate silently and listened carefully. In this way I discovered that Cardinal had done something truly unheard-of in bringing me to eat with them. He was going to 'introduce me to Phoenix' after dinner. Apparently this was usually done in an office, not the dining hall, and boys of my slight stature were not taken in on a regular basis. I also learned that being flown was to be tested or promoted, sparrows were students superior to fledglings but inferior to full hawks, and kills was to have a superior claim or higher rank. Cardinal saw me listening and knew what I was learning. As the chatter of 200+ pre and adolescent boys quieted and the lights over the platform at the end glowed into existence, a man walked out on to it.  
  
He wasn't a tall man, and he didn't look particularly strong. His thinning copper hair spread over his head like a halo and his gray blue eyes were starting to fade with age. But he had a smile for everyone in the room, and they all respected him above all others, you could almost feel the admiration oozing from them. He held up a hand and started to speak.  
  
"Good evening to you all." This was answered with murmured 'good evenings' from all around the room. He smiled again.  
  
"I have a few announcements to make. Due to scheduling overlaps, the gravity game scheduled for tomorrow evening will be re-scheduled to Friday, and the chess tournament is being held in the second lounge at 8:00 tonight. Furthermore." here he paused and glanced at the Raptor table.  
  
"Furthermore, I believe Cardinal has an announcement of his own. Cardinal?" Cardinal stood up and started towards the platform, beckoning me with him. I followed, not showing any of my nervousness. If I didn't live up to this man's expectations, I'd be back to vowels and addition, as well as my own memories. We reached the stage, and Cardinal leapt over the side, bending down to help me up. I glared at him and jumped up, pushing off the edge and landing easily next to him. The man, Phoenix, raised an eyebrow but Cardinal just smiled at me once more. He looked out at his comrades, then back to Phoenix, and to me.  
  
"I would like to introduce this boy before you. He has no parents, nor does he have a name. He was running faster than the wind when I caught him, and he's demonstrated that he's a fast flitter. He's probably memorized half the faces here, and he'd probably be able to hack into any of your files." He grinned out at the hawks, the grin turning into a slight smirk. 'You better watch your back' was the message that smirk gave. He turned back to Phoenix.  
  
"That's all I know about him, besides a hunch that he'll be one of the best we've got." Phoenix nodded to him, and Cardinal left me alone. The leader of all these boys smiled down at me, and began his interrogation.  
  
"How old are you?"  
  
"Eight years six months and three days."  
  
"What schooling have you had?"  
  
"I'm not sure exactly. I can speak and write both Japanese and English, and I know a lot of math. I can crack any computer file you got and I know war history like I lived through it." He looked surprised.  
  
"You know, most eight-year-olds wouldn't speak the way you do." I shrugged. I was tired of acting like something I wasn't.  
  
"I never claimed to be normal."  
  
"True. Do you have any athletic or military training of any kind?" He was not expecting a positive answer. I stared at him, wondering once again what to say. How could I tell him that the purpose of my life as military training? After a moment he sighed and turned away slightly.  
  
"I didn't think so."  
  
"More than you'll ever know." I whispered. He turned back to me.  
  
"What?"  
  
"I've had more military and athletic training than you'll ever know. I've acted as a distance assassin for the past two years. I've never killed face to face, but I know I've killed many people from a distance." Dead silence reigned in the hall. I think hearing such words from the mouth of a child not even ten was the most shocking thing any of them had ever witnessed. Cardinal looked stunned. Phoenix though, he just looked sad; as if he knew that I was already in pain, and he didn't want to put me through more, but he would. He would put me though that pain and more because he used what was given to him, and he needed me.  
  
"Do you know what we do here?" I shook my head. I was beginning to have an idea, but I couldn't know for sure. He sighed, and looked away from me for a moment to stare out at the many young boys before us.  
  
"They are all orphans. I took them in, and taught them many things. Anything you want to learn, I can teach you. But there's a price. If you want to truly be a part of us, if you want to ever get beyond the first classes, you'll have to work very hard. And it's very likely that you will have to kill again. Most of the boys you see before you are spies; the best, the best are assassins. And if what I can see in your answers and reflected in your eyes is true, you will be among them. But you'll have to work hard if you want to stay, do you understand?" He took me by the shoulders.  
  
"Do you understand what I'm saying boy?" I nodded and whispered quietly,  
  
"I understand." I had to get the training somewhere. I may have been made as a weapon for war, but I knew enough to recognize that I couldn't survive long in the world without the schooling this man could give me. And besides, I would rather become an assassin for him than try to search someone out or go off on my own. I remembered what Odin told me, about living your life so that you'll have no regrets; and I knew that if I let this opportunity slip by I'd regret it for a long time in the future.  
  
"Will you join us? You must join us willingly, we can't force you." Did he think I was stupid? He was going to let me into his base and then just let me walk free? I'd be silenced before I'd gone ten feet.  
  
"Hai." He smiled at me, the corners of his eyes wrinkling in his genuine happiness. I'm pretty sure it was because he now knew he wouldn't have to kill me.  
  
"Cardinal, would you show this young one to the other fledglings' rooms? He needs to know something of the general building layout before he tries to find his way around tomorrow." Cardinal stood up and approached the platform once more, his grin a little more hesitant than before.  
  
"Sure thing Phoenix. Come on boyo." I leapt off the stage and followed him out of the room, acutely conscious of the eyes that followed me.  
  
Cardinal led me around to various parts of the building, but I was too tired to really absorb it all. The only bit of information I could retain until the next morning was where my first 'class' was. Apparently all the fledglings met in a group at seven in the morning to receive the day's schedule and any announcement, including my addition to their number. The last few hours had been more excitement than I was used to, and that run across the colony was beginning to catch up with me. By the time we reached the dormitories, I was only half conscious and stumbling every few steps. Cardinal laughed when he noticed my condition.  
  
"You must be exhausted boyo, you're going to hurt yourself if you keep that up." Then, to my complete surprise, he picked me up and carried me to an empty bed. Luckily it was a lower bunk, I wasn't sure I could climb up a ladder, and I didn't want to see what Cardinal would do then; probably try to throw me. He set me on the mattress, pulled of my shoes and tucked me in. I was too tired to notice then but when I came to myself in the morning it astonished me that he could be an assassin and still be so kind to a lost boy.  
  
"Get some sleep boyo, you'll need your strength tomorrow." He smiled once more as I closed my heavy eyelids and slipped into oblivion.  
  
I can't be sure how long I slept, but it couldn't have been more than a few hours before I woke to the sound of someone screaming. As I opened my eyes I noticed that the lights were on. But I was no longer in the bed. Instead I was on an operating table, the bright lights shining down on me. A face loomed over me and I recognized it as the scientist who had told me about colors. He was grinning that toothy smile of his, the kind that seems out of place and fake.  
  
"You're certainly doing well for yourself mutant." I tried to move, to punch that grin off his face. I was strapped down. He grinned at my futile efforts.  
  
"Learn how to really kill soldier, kill and enjoy it. That is the only destiny you can follow." I tried to deny it, to insist that I could be something else; killing wasn't the be all and end all of my life. But I couldn't. Part of me believed it, and that part had been nurtured by those years of training until it was almost automatic. Always, the fact that my mission was to end the war as a killer was at the back of my mind, influencing every decision I made. I couldn't get rid of it. For the rest of the night I struggled with the scientist, with my own soul and mind, trying to destroy that compulsion. An eternity later, I became aware of other voices, younger, higher voices.  
  
"Who is he?"  
  
"How should I know, where do you think they got him?"  
  
"He doesn't look like an orphan, not with those clothes."  
  
"You never know, I wonder who brought him in."  
  
"Who knows? I think he looks like a wimp. They shouldn't have let him in at all."  
  
"Shhh. He's waking up."  
  
I opened my eyes, for real this time. Standing at the edge of my bed was a crowd of boys ages 7 to 12. One, a stocky child with dark hair and amber eyes spoke first.  
  
"What's yer name?" I sighed and shook my head. Why couldn't they just leave me alone?  
  
"What's that mean kid?" I shrugged.  
  
"Listen kid, just tell us yer name alright? Is that so hard?" The youth was starting to lose his temper. I didn't care, after the night I'd had I wasn't ready to speak to anyone, especially not overbearing nosy children like this one. I shrugged again. He lost his temper and lashed out, giving me a bloody lip.  
  
"Who do you think you are kid? While you're here you'll answer your superiors! And since you're the newest, that's everyone, especially me. I've been here the longest. Now what is your name?" I stared at him blankly. He was proud of being there the longest? That meant he'd been passed over several times. I wasn't going to give respect to anyone who didn't deserve it. I met his amber eyes coldly, knowing that if he chose to hit me I wouldn't be able to fight back. None of my training had been in hand-to-hand combat, and he probably had at least a year of it. My defiance gave him the excuse he wanted and he gave me a black and a couple other bruises before someone pulled him off me. Slowly I uncurled my self and struggled out of my tangled bedclothes.  
  
"Are you all right kid?" I looked up into the face of the youth who, I later learned, was responsible for making sure the fledglings got up on time. I was just glad he'd gotten the bully off me. He gasped when he saw my face, eyes softening in pity, the most prominent emotion in my life. I wiped the blood off my lip and looked at it, staining my fingers red. It was fitting, I thought in a hazy sort of way, It was fitting to have others see the blood that covered my hands already, even it they didn't quite realize what it meant yet. I smiled and rubbed the blood into my hands, wiping my lip again as the cut continued to bleed. Soon my hands were tinted a rusty hue.  
  
"Kid?" I looked back up at the youth. He was starting to get scared, probably thinking I was insane. I decided to explain to him.  
  
"It's fitting." He blinked.  
  
"What's fitting?"  
  
"That others should see the blood on my hands." That confused him even more.  
  
"Are you alright kid?"  
  
"I'm fine, but I had a very strange dream."  
  
"What was it about?"  
  
"They told me to kill again."  
Notes: Ano.sorry this took so long. I started writing it Friday night, and my Internet wasn't working, and then I had Sweetheart last night..so here it is. I looked back at my notes at the beginning. Wow. That's a lot! But I felt this urge to explain my inspiration. Anyway, I hope you liked this chapter, and I don't know when the next one will be up. Not today, I don't have the time to write, and not Monday..definitely by next Saturday, or I will have to seriously harm myself. I just have so much stuff to do, and it doesn't help that my mind continues to insist on thinking about after Endless Waltz instead of the past..on the bright side, I now have a much larger tolerance for shonen ai, and could actually write it, possibly well! Anybody out there at all interested in a little shonen ai in this story? Please tell me...and I'm still waiting for opinions on the Relena thing. Do you want them to meet? Please Review, the button's right there, and it doesn't take long at all... 


	8. Sticks and Stones: Part One

Authors Note: Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!! Just a little note people, reviews inspire me. If you want more chapters faster, review, review, review!! I want to thank Lady Black, and i am shinigami and Brit for their wonderful reviews!! Thank you, thank you! I have one vote for shonen ai, one vote for chance meetings with other characters (thank you i am shinigami!!) and one indifferent, courtesy of Brit (thanks Brit, anything's great!). Lady Black, I am sorry I ended it like that, but I was a little pressed for time. That was actually farther than I thought I would get; I was going to leave it where he fell asleep but I decided that was to easy. Look at it this way, if I didn't end it there, the bully and dream never would have happened because my random typing wouldn't have produced them. ( Please people, review! I write more when I'm happy! Also, if anyone felt a little queasy with that blood bit..ano..you might just want to stop reading; I tend to do some pretty weird stuff with blood, and I have this one idea stuck in my head. And there may be some strange stuff with knives.nothing hentai, but strange.  
  
***Oh! Oh! I thought I'd include a little dictionary thingy for the bird- oriented jargon I'm making up.. Fledglings are beginners, youngest students, cub scouts; for those of you who have read Ender's Game, launchies or dwarfs (new ones). A flight is a choosing process, senior officers (Captains, that one's easy) choose the most promising candidates for promotion or further training. Hawks are the full group members, initiated in several ways, which I will explain as the story gets to them. Sparrows are between fledglings and hawks. They have completed enough training or shown enough potential to be shown in the flight, and they have a chance to be chosen to become a full Hawk. They remain sparrows until they either make their first kill or successfully complete a mission. Usually it's the second, and some youths can remain sparrows for longer than they were fledglings. If they take to long, they are sent back to training. To be flown is to be tested in any way, but usually refers to the first time a sparrow is presented on a flight, or the sparrow's first mission. Since these usually result in a promotion, it can be used to signify increase in rank. Kills can refer to a superior claim or rank depending on context. It can also be used to count the number of successful missions a Hawk has (a lot of the time this is what rank is based on, but not always). A fast flitter is someone smart, highly intelligent, thinks quickly and always lands on their feet. The flocks are the factions that the boys are divided up into, each headed by a captain. The Raptors specialize in assassinations and Owls specialize in espionage. Those are the most important, and there is constant friction between them. All other flocks are ranked lower. Kawing is nonsense, bs, junk, blabber, meaningless chatter etc. Beak is your mouth.. duh. Can also be used in the same way as kawing, impertinent or smart aleck remarks.*  
  
Lost my train of thought..* a look into Triton's brain.* A train is running around and around with various anime and Fantasy characters talking or just hanging out all over. Here, Milliardo Peacecraft, Battousai and Allen Schezar discuss fencing styles and the best hair conditioners to use to keep all those beautiful locks shiny, healthy, and full while trying to fight a war. There Heero Yuy and Kenshin Himura discuss the drawbacks to becoming an unfeeling assassin at a young age and the problems it creates for your later romantic interests. In this corner Relena Peacecraft, Princess Melerna, and Kaoru Kamiya listen eagerly to Lauralanthalasa Solostran as she talks about how to get oblivious or stubborn men to break down and finally confess that yes, they do love you after all. In that corner are Dilandou and Ranma debating about the problems involved with cursed springs and fate alteration, especially the complications created by gender switching. Suddenly, all activity stops and all eyes shift to Trowa, staring. A picture of a model appears and floats around his head. Everyone stares for a moment before letting out a collective gasp. Ranma stands up. "OMG! It's actually possible!" Yes folks, it is actually possible to create that hairstyle. It is not anti-gravity or hidden antennae, or, well, it might be thousands of dollars in hair gel. But the point is, it's possible. The train starts again, forcing all characters to their knees, and normal (or as normal as it ever is) functions resume. * end of random event *  
  
Anyway..all names mentioned in this fic, (of Hawks, not fledglings or sparrows) are the names of birds with some kind or red plumage. Cooper is Cooper's Hawk, as is Harris..trust me, I opened the field guide and wrote them all down.  
  
Now that I have bored you all with my useless and pointless chatter once again, here's what you've all been waiting for: the story. But first, there's this, see if you can guess who it is.  
  
Disclaimer: Triton-dono does not own Gundam Wing or any other anime de gozaru yo.  
  
NOW!! ^_~  
  
Chapter 8: Sticks and Stones (Part one)  
  
Pain's a funny thing. We spend our entire lives trying to avoid pain as often as we can. Ironically, in order to avoid pain, we often put ourselves through more; which completely defeats the purpose of avoiding it in the first place. The world is run by pain, and how much you are feeling compared to everyone else; the more pain you feel, the more likely it is for you to be noticed, to do something to try and get it to stop. Strangely, self-inflicted pain never seems to hurt as much as pain received from an outside source. And sometimes you can have an injury and not know about it for hours before you finally notice it. Then, only then does it start to hurt. You can rap your knuckles against a doorframe or a desk any number of times and have it not bother you at all; but someone else rapping your knuckles stings like there's no tomorrow.  
  
As I fell to the mat for the hundredth time in an hour I hated that little bit of knowledge with all my body. I could walk through a burning building, squeeze myself into any position necessary to get a good sniping position and set my own broken ribs, but I couldn't stand up and face that quarterstaff again without feeling tears in my eyes. Of course, I could always blame those on my black eyes and not my reaction to the pain.  
  
I was in the self-defense class. After the young man in charge of us fledglings, Race (yes folks, a red race), had finally dragged me to the small assembly hall where I was introduced to the other children as 'a boy with no name and no home who was brought in by Cardinal,' I had been given a choice of what classes to take. Along with the required classes I had immediately signed up for an extra hour of self-defense, a computer course, sniper training and personal health (surgery, stitches, broken bones etc.). Cardinal signed me up for a music class. So there I was, dressed in the standard karate and tae kwan do uniform, having the daylights hammered out of me with a four foot long, one inch diameter wooden pole. I lay on the mat for a moment, debating whether or not to go into a savage fury and break every bone in my opponent's body. But no, I wanted to learn a controlled self-defense. I couldn't depend on my ability to sense weaknesses with lightning fast accuracy any longer; I'd have to learn the way the others did. The way humans did. Stifling the groan I could feel burning in my throat I pushed my self up, standing once more to face my doom. The sensei watched me, respect growing in his eyes as again and again he knocked me to the mat, and again and again I got up. At least I wasn't hurting myself when I fell, like some of the other boys. I was nearing the end of my strength though; I couldn't see well with two black eyes and my arms and legs were complaining from the constant bombardment. Not to mention I felt as if my ribs were broken again. And this was only the first class of the day. And I had been stupid enough to sign up for two classes of it.  
  
"You should take a break kid, before you're body gives up on you." I shook my head. I had memorized his move, and figured out a way to get round it. The last few hits had hit exactly when and where I thought they would. There were several variations, but he always shifted just a little too much weight to his left foot when he was about to strike. I wasn't about to give up when I knew I could beat him. He shrugged and returned to his fighting crouch. For the first time, instead of standing and taking the hits straight, I slid into a crouch as well. Not a fighting crouch, but the crouch my body was used to using on dark nights and in shadowed corners. A spy's stance. Sensei looked surprised, but continued anyway. Shift to the right, lower the staff, step to the left, pull the staff back while shifting back, and lash out, the staff aiming for my left side. A dodge, leap and slide tackle later sensei was laying flat on his back, trying to regain his breath. He sat up slowly, using the staff to help himself to his feet. He stood there watching me for a moment, not saying a word. But it was enough for me. I had earned his respect, and now I could trust him not to play games with me as he did some of the others.  
  
"That was very good. A little unrefined, but it got the job done. Very good."  
  
"That's why I'm here. To learn control. And refinement." He grinned at me.  
  
"Well we certainly don't need to work on your speed, or pain tolerance. I couldn't even see the move. But you're right; you do need to learn control. And grace too. You may be fast and fall right, but your stance is too heavy, your movements too awkward, for you to ever master a technique."  
  
"Can you teach me?" I wanted to learn this more than any of the skills offered. To catch yourself, to be able to judge within a fraction of a millimeter the distance between yourself and anything else and then be able to stop just before hitting. I wanted to control my body in the way I would never be able to control my mind or destiny. It was the one thing no one could take away without killing me. He nodded, unable to keep the grin from spreading over his face.  
  
"I can teach you. Cardinal was right, you are quite the amazing fledgling." Something swelled up inside me, something I had never felt before, never had any reason to feel before. Even with my black eyes and split lip; even with all the pain my body was complaining of, I glowed back at him and smiled the carefree smile I rarely used. Cardinal thought I was amazing huh? Well, I'd just have to prove him right.  
  
(1)  
  
The day was full of surprises. Apparently Cardinal liked to talk about me because nearly every instructor I talked to related some sort of compliment from him. In some of the classes (namely computers and math) I was far ahead of the other kids and they gave me tests to determine exactly what level I was on. Some of the classes were purely exercises and simulations of missions, trying to teach us what to do in certain situations. It was just my luck to be thrown into a group with the boy who had beaten me up and two others. One had brownish blond hair in wisps all around his face, framing the large green eyes that seemed laughably innocent. The other wore his platinum blond locks long down his back, caught in a ponytail at his neck, and narrowed his steel gray eyes in suspicion as I approached them. Amber eyes just glared.  
  
"What do you want?" Steel eyes watched me closely, summing me up and obviously finding me wanting. I shrugged it off. They would learn soon enough that practical experience won over training.  
  
"I was told to join this group."  
  
"It's a flock, not a group." I shook my head, disagreeing but not willing to argue. Amber eyes spoke up.  
  
"I'm Rick, that's Adam, and the shy one is X. We already know you don't have a name." X decided he had something worth saying.  
  
"What do you want us to call you?" The question caught me off guard. What did I want them to call me? Why did it matter? I shrugged, not caring much. I was willing to wait until I became a Hawk to receive a name.  
  
"Aw, it doesn't matter X, don't bother." Adam obviously was not fond of me.  
  
"But we have to call him something!" Steel gave way to pleading emerald.  
  
"Fine," I interrupted, suddenly realizing the perfect name.  
  
"Call me Hitokiri." They stared at me.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Call me Hitokiri."  
  
"What's that?"  
  
"It's Japanese."  
  
"Okay, but what does it mean?"  
  
"Shadow assassin."(roughly) They stared at me for a moment. Then Adam laughed.  
  
"I'm calling you 'Nanashi' (no name) until you earn a name like that!" I just shrugged again. Rick blinked for a moment, then decided we'd wasted enough time with introductions. He picked up the sheet that contained our mission and objectives.  
  
"Get into the manor undetected and find the safe. Inside will be blueprints for the base's ground floor. Retrieve them and give them to the next team. Kill who sees you aside from those you know to be on your own side." What was he doing? Didn't he know anything? You can't just stand in the middle of a group, in full hearing of anyone who cared to listen of any cameras or listening devices and read the mission! That was how you got killed! I couldn't believe how stupid he was. I hit him up side the head and snatched the papers away.  
  
"Baka! Do you want everyone to hear? Are you going to proclaim everything to the world?" I hissed at him, hating him in that moment for getting me into the situation. I was about to go on a mission at half strength with at least one idiot. He stared at me stupidly.  
  
"They're all on our team Nanashi, we have to give one of them the blue prints." I clamped my hand over his mouth and glanced around. No one seemed to be listening, but I couldn't be sure.  
  
"Would you just shut up? It says on the next page what they're going to do with them so that we can do it as back up. There's no reason to assume that none of them are traitors." I might be new, but I knew how to complete a mission, and a mission like this was done in secrecy. I looked through the rest of the sheets, memorizing everything we would need to know. There was a map to the manor, including the general layout and what security systems could be expected; there was also a list of weapons. There I got confused. We had a list of weapons and an order to kill anyone who saw us, but we didn't have the weapons themselves. I looked up at the three boys, two of which were now glaring at me, hating that I had taken charge so easily. I handed the papers to X, sure that he was the most likely to answer my questions.  
  
"Memorize everything you can, we need to destroy the documentation." He looked startled, then nodded before volunteering the information I wanted.  
  
"Weapons are at the first check point. You wouldn't know the way, older kids teach it to the new ones." That made sense, even if it did annoy me to have to depend on the other two. He finished reading and gave the sheets to Adam. He scowled for a moment before getting a look of fierce concentration as he glared down at the defenseless paper. There was one more question, well two really, but the second would just have to be seen.  
  
"It says to kill everyone who sees us. Are they real? Are the weapons real?" Adam shook his head and passed our orders to Rick.  
  
"The guns are fake, they kill the holograms of the people in the mansion."  
  
"What about the other kids?" Adam stared. X blinked at me in confusion, and Rick handed me the papers before voicing his tidbit of information.  
  
"You don't shoot your comrades Nanashi." I pulled the lighter Odin had used to start the cook stove out of my pocket and put it to the papers. They flared up immediately and I let them fall to the ground and burn until there was only a tiny pile of ashes left.  
  
"What if they aren't really your comrades?" I watched their reactions closely. If one of them was a traitor this was the time to find out. Rick and Adam looked stunned, they had obviously never thought about it. X blinked at me innocently. I should have suspected something then, but I was new to reading people's faces.  
  
It was obvious that I would have to take any traitors down myself. This mission was proving more frustrating with every passing second. I would much rather have done it alone, but I didn't know where the weapons were. I turned to Rick, he was, after all, the oldest.  
  
"We should go get weapons." He nodded, turning to walk towards the nearby hologram of destroyed apartment buildings. Almost everything in that building was a hologram. After wandering seemingly aimlessly through the rubble and concrete for a few moments (I memorized every step, unwilling to trust myself to my 'teammates' judgment when there was no need), we reached a slightly more intact building, and entered. The others seemed perfectly comfortable, but I couldn't relax. I was sure it couldn't be quite this easy. We hadn't seen any of the other groups. Rick opened a trapdoor in the far corner of the room, revealing our weapons and a few tools. As I watched them pick out what they would be using, I realized that they had no idea what they would really need. I snatched the voice coder from X's hands, giving him a decoder instead; if it malfunctioned I was sure I could manage on my own..  
  
"We won't need the small clippers, the large ones work just as well, and have a wider range." I took those for myself, along with a handgun and one of the wall-seekers (I made that word up, it's a device that tells where fake walls are and if doors really open to rooms or are dummies.). I didn't care what weapon they chose, but I wanted to be sure we had any equipment necessary. To Adam I gave the spray bottle of water and a grappling hook. Rick got additional rope and tripwire.  
  
"Hitokiri, why don't you want to use much of the computer stuff, it makes things a lot easier." X had taken me at my word. He was the sort who made a good soldier, following orders; just glad someone else was in charge. I had talked so much already that my tongue and jaw were starting to complain of the unusual use. My throat was getting scratchy. But there was nothing else for it.  
  
"Computers malfunction, it's better to rely on your own talents."  
  
"What if you can't perform some of the functions?"  
  
"I can do well enough." I clammed up. Nothing more was worth saying.  
  
The next half hour or so passed in near silence. The other three tried to start meaningless conversations, but an icy glare was enough to shut them up. By the time we reached the manor grounds I was feeling better. This was where I belonged; doing the things my life had trained me for. We stopped short of the gates, scanning for security. I motioned for the other three to follow me as we made a circuit around the walled in courtyard. There were cameras and motion detectors at every corner, lasers crisscrossing the walls. Rick looked stumped, X's shoulders drooped, and Adam glared at me.  
  
"If you hadn't been so insistent on leaving all that stuff behind, we could be over the wall by now." I shrugged (my shoulders were starting to ache from more than my self-defense class. Odin had never been so insistent on my answering him!), kneeling in the soft dirt to uncover a power line. There were three, one on each side and one in back. I followed them to the power box, foolishly placed outside the building. According to everything I could find, they controlled all power to the house and security on the grounds. I'm sure I was grinning as I returned to the other three. X was looking more depressed, slumped on the ground with his head between his knees, and Rick was glaring daggers. Adam was about to lose is temper.  
  
"Where'd you go off to?" I stared blankly at the blonde for a moment, just to make him squirm before I answered.  
  
"There's a box back there that controls the power to all the manor's systems. I'm going to shut it off. As soon as you see the lasers turn off (using that spray bottle Adam was so put out about having to carry) and the cameras stop, throw the grappling hook and rope over the wall and climb in." Adam glared at me before admitting, in a whisper;  
  
"I don't know how to use this thing." What? He didn't know how to use a grappling hook? But he wanted to be a spy! I turned to the others.  
  
"Do either of you know how to use it?" X looked up.  
  
"I do." I nodded to him and he took the rope and hook from his friend.  
  
"What about you? When we go over we'll have to take the rope with us 'cause Rick can't climb all that well without it." At least the dark haired boy had the grace to look embarrassed. Would wonders never cease? These boys had been doing these exercises for over a year and they still didn't know the most basic things. Why didn't he just jump? I just shook my head. I could easily scale an uneven stone wall.  
  
I started back towards the power box, but X stopped me once more.  
  
"Don't you want he decoder?" I shook my head. The decoder wouldn't help me. What I needed was pure hacking.  
  
Five minutes later all power was dead and I was over the wall and standing among my 'teammates.' They seemed a little surprised, but they were more interested in completing the mission then my accomplishments.  
  
At first, everything went well. There was a lot of confusion in the house because of the lack of power, allowing us to search in relative peace. WE had already retrieved the blueprints when someone noticed us.  
  
"Hey! What are you doing there?" Rick froze, looking guilty; Adam stopped and glared defiantly, hand going to his gun. X and I kept on walking. Thank heaven one of them had some sense.  
  
"You there wait! What's that you have?" Unfortunately Adam was carrying the blueprints, and it was rather easy to tell what they were. I sighed. I really didn't want to do this, I had never done it before, but the others seemed unable to take any action. And we had our orders.  
  
I turned, bulled my handgun out of the back of my jeans, and pointed it at him.  
  
"What are you doing kid? Put the gun down before you hurt someone." I didn't reply. I was fighting with my training. Everything I had ever been taught was thirsting for his blood. But the shred of soul that hid under the mask fought until it could no longer stand up and still remain free. I aimed between his eyes and fired.  
  
Nothing happened. The gun had fired, the bullet had hit him; but there was no reaction. One moment he was standing there staring at me, the next he was gone, only to reappear lying in the dirt. Then I remembered. They were holograms; I had not actually killed someone. See? Part of me yelled. It's okay. But I knew it wasn't okay. I had thought he was real, and I had deliberately taken his life. It would never be okay. My companions stared in shock. Perhaps they had never seen someone shoot without warning, or true reason. But they should have known. They should have known how to shoot him, should have done it themselves. They couldn't have been in the program for so long and not at least see it. I turned to climb over the wall, scaling it easily and helping Adam up so he didn't drop the documents. Once again we walked in silence, but it was an easier silence. Adam and Rick didn't see me as the dirt under their heels anymore. When we reached the checkpoint I stopped them. There were three kids our age in the little space, talking. My life of creeping in the shadows took over as I slunk closer to hear what they said.  
  
"Where are they?"  
  
"Who knows, maybe they got lost, or someone else took care of them."  
  
"Last time we communicated he said they were close, nearly out of the manor."  
  
"Maybe they met another group, or they got caught and couldn't kill whoever saw them."  
  
"He did say none of them could bring themselves to kill."  
  
"What about the new kid?"  
  
"Him? He's to scrawny to be a threat."  
  
"He beat the sensei in class today."  
  
"Only after he was hit about a hundred times, trust me he's not a problem."  
  
"Okay, but I wish we were done with this. It makes me edgy."  
  
"What? The fact that we're lying? They don't know that, all they know is to give the 'prints to us."  
  
"But to practice betrayal seems so wrong somehow. How are we supposed to be trusted if we do this?"  
  
I had heard enough. Someone had betrayed us, and the three in the clearing were planning to do more. I was not going to let them mess with my mission. I went back to my team.  
  
"Okay, you three, go out there like you're going to give them the papers."  
  
"What do you mean 'like'?"  
  
"You'll see." Adam shrugged, and Rick just started walking. X watched me for a moment, measuring me before following his friends. As they approached the three who were waiting looked up.  
  
"Oh good, you're here. We were beginning to get worried." I moved silently, getting as close as I could. AS the one who appeared to be the leader reached for the documents, I raised my gun and shot him, turning quickly to dispatch with the other two before they could react. For a moment all six of them stared at me in shock before the three I had shot suddenly started glowing red. Apparently that was what happened when you were killed on an exercise. Total paralysis hit them and they fell to the ground. Rick turned on me, anger making his eyes look like melted gold.  
  
"What was that for Hitokiri?" I quietly noted the change in address and glared back.  
  
"They were traitors." I pulled out the voice recorder I had taken from X and replayed their entire conversation. It was almost comical the way his face changed from anger to surprise to horror as he listened.  
  
"Wow."  
  
"So what do we do now?" Adam wanted to be done. He thought he had done more than enough already. X just stared at the other kids in shock.  
  
"Now we complete the mission they were supposed to do. Get inside the base and disarm the missiles."  
  
"Where is it?" I didn't reply, just started walking. It was only a few feet away. There was no security here because it was so close to the trees; it would have been next to useless. It was the ideal place to sneak in. Standing in the artificial moonlight I studied the blueprints, deciding where we needed to go and what we needed to do first. That decided, I took the grappling hook from X and swung it up. This wall was much smoother, no hand holds. After testing the security of my guide rope, I climbed up, crouching on the wall to observe the inner compound.  
  
Suddenly I felt something slam into my back and I was falling. Twisting I tried to land properly, on my feet or with my hands cushioning my fall. But I misjudged the distance and felt something snap in my leg as blinding pain shot through my body. Fighting the darkness I tried to look around and saw my three teammates huddled over me, looking worried with the concrete walls of the base behind them and the hologram stars above them. I could see blood on the wall where I had scraped my shoulders in an effort of slow my momentum. Suddenly the world was full of light and everything was gone. I could see two Hawks rushing towards me. One of them was Cardinal.  
  
"Good Lord boyo, what happened?" I shook my head, unsure. He looked down at my leg.  
  
"We need to get you to the infirmary." I shook my head again.  
  
"I'll be alright, just help me to my next class, I'm supposed to learn how to set my own bones." I hissed in pain as the other Hawk, whom I now recognized as Cooper, accidentally bumped my leg as he tried to lift me to my feet. Cardinal waved him off and picked me up completely, carrying my like a baby.  
  
"Alright boyo, you can set it yourself. But I'm carrying you." I just nodded into his chest too exhausted to argue. Cardinal, being Cardinal, couldn't help but comment.  
  
"Your lighter than one of the guard dogs boyo! What do you weigh anyway?"  
  
"48 lbs." I mumbled.  
  
"You're kidding. Sheesh, how did that happen? With the amount you ate last night you should weigh more than that!" I tried to explain about the circumstances of my birth, but I was only half conscious.  
  
".space,..Japanese, .heavy training." I could feel the laugh bubbling up in his chest.  
  
"Colony born may be lighter boyo, but I think the problem lies in your lineage, and the way you use your body. According to Harris, you don't care one whit how beat up you get as long as you can still function relatively well."  
  
"Harris..sensei..?"  
  
"Yeah, you think I'd let anyone but a Raptor teach you boyo?" I couldn't concentrate anymore. He said more, but I didn't hear it. I just lay in his arms and relaxed for the first time in my life, listening to his voice and the caring tone it held as he talked to me. The fact that he cared so much for me lit that glow again; It spread through my body and settled somewhere in the vicinity of my chest, just under my collarbones. I was happy then, for the first time in my short life I was happy. Of course it only lasted a few minutes, but it didn't matter. It had happened, and I knew it could happen again.  
  
End of Part One  
  
Notes: Sorry this took so long, I really meant to get it up sooner, but there was a lot of stuff I wanted to get in here, and my biology teacher decided we needed more homework. Hopefully I'll get the second part done this weekend too, so you shouldn't have to wait too long. ESPECIALLY if you REVIEW!!! Like I said at the top, reviews inspire me. You review more, I write more. (well, faster than I would otherwise. I've been having trouble finding time before parents order me to bed, and I'll be starting track next week, so less time.) I still need people's votes on shonen ai and possible meetings with Relena before the war!! If I spelled in Japanese wrong, please tell me, and I'll fix it. I'm going to have to have a day where I just go fix all those little mistakes. That bit about Trowa's hair is true by the way, and anyone who can identify all the anime characters mentioned in that random event or the disclaimer will receive a special gift. (especially if they leave their e-mail^_^) Next chapter: 'sticks and stones may break my bones, but words hurt all the more.' Please REVIEW!!!! It's so easy. 


	9. Sticks and Stones: Part Two

Authors Notes: Okay, I'm working on the revisions bit; some of those things really annoy me. However, because I know that most of you readers out there would rather read a new chapter than have me correct the old material, I'll switch between them, making it the first priority to write new chapters ^_^. When I do make the revisions I will make them all at once, so maybe I should just wait until I'm done. Thank yous go out to Starcat starfall13 and Layde Black for reviewing! No one's tried for the surprise yet, so Ill keep it going for a while... If anyone wants to try. You have to leave an email address though. Fun little omake I created.. Anyway, I know I've been writing long authors notes, but it's FUN! And how am I supposed to explain anything without them? Even if the story isn't really depressing right now (this is a mostly GOOD time in Heero's life), the AN is still the only time I get to goof off in this fic. and sometimes I really want to goof off or ramble a bit. No one's complained about the length, but I'll try to keep it shorter. (And yes, I am aware that there is a lot of staring, watching and shrugging going on, but what am I supposed to do? Not everyone starts to rant like Duo when they're surprised!)  
  
***** Okay, the orders: Lowest order is Order of sparrow; it's usually what you become when you accepted into a flock. Second is the Order of Songbirds, gained after a suitable time period, number of missions or certain skill level on all flights (flights can refer to the event of being flown). Third is Order of Falcons, awarded on the same circumstances as Songbird but with higher expectations (most Owls and Raptors are these). Fourth Order of Eagle, achieved by all Captains and many Owls and Raptors. This requires completion and high marks on a strenuous test and completing a mission on as the commander of a small group. It cannot be received by anyone not an Owl or Raptor. And the highest is Order of Phoenix, held only by the heads of Owl and Raptor (for now). They received these by showing exceptional talent, skill and leadership ability. Their orders are topped only by Phoenix himself. All Owls and Raptors other than Captains are either Falcons or Eagles. ******  
  
On to the chapter!! *_*  
  
By the way: did you know today is opposites day? Everything from the end of this sentence to the chapter title is actually the opposite.  
  
Disclaimer: I OWN GUNDAM WING!!! I AM COMPLETELY SANE!! THE WORLD IS ENDING!!!  
  
Chapter 9: Sticks and Stones (Part Two)  
  
(And for those of you who argue that the opposite is actually ' I am not incompletely insane' if you think about it, that's the point; and that it's actually 'the world is not beginning' well duh! Where have you been for the last couple billion years? * ducks the various flying objects until she is finally hit by someone's well aimed sandal * @_@)  
  
Three days after I had managed to set my own broken leg I was thoroughly tired of the whole business. The cast itched, I couldn't move well, people treated me like I couldn't hear, see or speak as well as walk, and no one would believe me when I told them it was healed, I didn't need the crutches any longer; could I please return to controlling my own movements?  
  
So, after a particularly frustrating episode where I wasted half an hour arguing with Harris that yes, I could do more than meditate, I took the stupid thing off and threw the crutches away. Harris had barely enough time to look surprised before I kicked his legs out from under him. Using the UNHURT foot; I wasn't stupid enough to think the brake was healed so much it wouldn't hurt to kick something. I would walk with a limp for a few days, but at least I would be walking. Harris stood up, glaring at me.  
  
"If you're going to be that stubborn, then don't blame me if it breaks again! I refuse to be responsible for your foolishness!"  
  
"No one would hold you responsible and it's my body. I can do what I want with it." He shook his head, hid eyes overly bright.  
  
"Cardinal would care, he would hold me responsible. If you think you can just throw away your life as a Hawk before it even starts then think again! It may be your body, but if you go at the rate you have been you'll kill yourself before the next flight. I'm not going to let you disappoint Cardinal like that." That was when I started to realize just how important Cardinal was. He was the head of the Raptors, the highest flock; I had supposed it was because he was the best. But now, looking at Harris and how upset he was that I might disappoint his Captain, I realized there was more to it than that. Cardinal was a leader. He made everyone he met feel important, feel that they had something no one else did. In a place full of orphans it was perfect. Those he led would do everything in their power to return the faith he had in them.  
  
I looked down from Harris' angry and desperate eyes, unable to face him. I hadn't realized it was so important to him. But I understood what he meant, because Cardinal's kindness was more important to me than any training I could do.  
  
"Is there any training you can give me that wouldn't bother it?" He nodded, recovering his composure.  
  
"We can work on your balance, it'll give you more control over your body. If we'd had time to do this before you might have been able to catch yourself before you hit the ground." He made a weak attempt at a smile and I just nodded. How hard could it be?  
  
One hour later, as every muscle in my body complained of the slightest movement, I almost regretted taking the cast off. I could have put up with it. But another part of me argued that this was a good thing, and I'd have to learn it later if I didn't learn it now. Most of my mind and all of my body however, didn't care. I was just relieved that I wouldn't be doing anything truly strenuous for the rest of the day. Sniping, computers, mechanics, math and music. Nothing that would exhaust beyond my limits.  
  
When I got to my new computer, math and mechanic classes I was surprised to see that most of the class was made up of Hawks. In fact all of the computer class was Hawks. Highly ranked hawks. Raptors and Owls. The room was filled with red and black and flashing steel pins. I stuck out like a sore thumb in the bluejeans and green t-shirt I had been given to replace my old close. Not to mention my obvious age and size. I could hear the mutters of surprise as I walked into the class, a little late because it was on the other side of the base from my last class. Some of the Hawks knew who I was, mostly Raptors. None of the Owls had a clue, and they were getting a little more vocal in their indignation that a fledgling was even in their same classroom.  
  
"Hey, what's a little fledgling like you doing in this class? You got a message for someone kid?" I shook my head, looking for somewhere to sit. Everyone was in two person teams. No one seemed to be in need of a partner, or willing to take me even if they did.  
  
"You answer your superior officers fledgling, what are you doing here?" I glared up at the older boy. He was big, tall and muscular, probably around 14 or 15 and hitting a growth spurt. I could see from his badges that he was of high rank, an Owl, Order of Eagle. All I could do was glare at him from under my messy bangs, absently noting that my hair hadn't been cut for nearly a year.  
  
"This is my class." It was so satisfying to watch him stand there completely dumbfounded. I had answered with none of the respect or awe he was used to, and there was no uncertainty in what I said. It was my class, and I wouldn't be leaving to accommodate for his vanity. He decided on a different approach.  
  
"What's your name?" Why? Why did they always have to ask that question? He'd probably never talk to me again so why did it matter? I sighed, starting to answer before I was interrupted.  
  
"He's Hitokiri, the kid Cardinal brought in." The name certainly was spreading; I almost regretted ever saying the word. Almost. It did save time. It was a Raptor who had spoken; he was about 14 as well, and he towered over me at 5'6. I was still barely four feet. I had seen him in the distance sometimes, talking to Harris or Cooper; it was hard to miss the spiky orange hair and violet eyes. He smiled at me, thoroughly enjoying making a fool out of the other boy, if only because he was an Owl.  
  
"So, you're the little monster who killed the old man and three of your comrades without thought or change in expression. Without any feeling at all." I stared at him in shock, quietly noting that the Hawks took the games as seriously as their own missions. Yes, I had done that. But I had had orders to that extent, and the 'comrades' were traitors. I had no regrets about it. So why did I feel this urge to justify myself? Why did those words hurt so much? For once I was thankful for the mask, glad it hid the horror and pain I was feeling. I shrugged at him, unable to think of anything else to do, and a flash of red sped across the front of the room. When it stopped at the table in front of the large viewing screen I was able to see who it was, though I had guessed already. Cardinal beamed at everyone in the class.  
  
"Sorry I'm a little late, I had a short meeting with Phoenix. I understand we have someone new joining us?" He looked around questioningly but I was behind one of the computers, too short to be easily noticed. The Owl spoke up.  
  
"Yeah, and guess who it is Cardinal, the little freak you brought in. The one who killed his comrades and broke his leg." Cardinal's eyes widened, then half closed in silent sympathy.  
  
"Boyo?" he said it softly, letting me compose myself before answering. I stepped forward.  
  
"I'm glad you're alright." I nodded, unsure what he was so worried about. But the kindness thawed a little of the mask and I was able to give him a small smile. His smile was not quite as bright as I remembered; he seemed to be thinking hard about something.  
  
"Well, all the groups are full, so you'll have to work alone; if you have any questions, just ask me okay?" I nodded again and slipped into a seat near the front of the room, as far away from the loudmouthed Owl as I could get.  
  
"Okay, let's get started." Cardinal led us through the lesson, explaining what he wanted us to do and different programs we could use to do it. The assignment was to create a holographic model of someone we respected, or someone who had had significant impact on our lives; because, as Cardinal pointed out when some of the Owls complained (the Raptors rarely complained, but then, they weren't competing with him), the human figure was one of the most complicated things in the world to construct. If we could do this he would know we could make it through anything else he gave us. All the hawks pulled out laptops or logged on to the available computers and began to work. I hadn't a clue what to do. My laptop had disappeared shortly after my conversation with Phoenix, and none of the nearby machines had the functions I wanted. A shadow fell over my desk and I looked up to see Cardinal, holding the laptop Odin had given me.  
  
"Here boyo, Phoenix wanted you to have it back."  
  
"Arigato." He smiled at me, still a little sad.  
  
"That's one hell of a security system you got there boyo. And don't pay attention to what that loser says, some folk force blindness on themselves." I nodded, just to make him happier. I didn't mean it; part of me, a wild and stubborn part that included most of my childhood as a mutant, agreed with the Owl. I was a monster, a freak. What right did I have to ever take those lives, even if it was a game. I had meant it to be real. And I didn't regret any of it, especially the apparent emotionless attitude. That was what my entire life had been training me for. Monster. Mutant. Freak.  
  
I stared at the blank screen of the only object I truly owned besides the handgun I had lost with Odin, feeling all the pain and frustration well up inside me, choking and drying my throat; tears pricked at my eyes and I pulled the mask down firmly. I would not show my weakness to them. Sighing out a little of the pain, I switched the machine on, knowing exactly what I would do. Holograms were fairly easy if you knew the language. Instead of going to one of the programs Cardinal suggested, I opened a word document and wrote the program from scratch. It helped to clear my mind of everything but the numbers before me. For a moment I considered who to create an image of, then the perfect answer came to me. There were pictures all through my mind of him. Some one who had made significant impact on my life? Heero Yuy was the reason I had been trained at all. Almost every significant change in my life could be traced to his death. I typed faster, constructing his face, his hair, and his eyes. The body was easy. Every picture I had ever seen of him had him dressed in a formal suit, usually tan in color, about 6'1 with dressy but comfortable black shoes and a metallic glint from a watch at his wrist. I finished typing and read over my work, making sure I hadn't left anything out. I saved it and looked around for Cardinal. He saw me and walked over, curious.  
  
"Having trouble?"  
  
"I'm done, but," I stopped, watching the incredulous expression in his eyes.  
  
"You're done?" I nodded and showed him the document.  
  
"I need a generator to feed it into." Cardinal stared blankly for a moment, then read the program through, checking for any errors.  
  
"Great heavens boyo, where in the world did you learn this? It's perfect, and you didn't even use one of the programs.."  
  
"I had a lot of training when I was younger and I've always been good with computers." It was the truth; I didn't ever want to lie to him. Of course if he had asked me where specifically and who had taught me I would have clammed up and refused to answer. But he didn't ask.  
  
"Well, you've still got another hour so why don't you do another one, with the program this time."  
  
"Can I make it move?" Cardinal smiled again.  
  
"Sure thing boyo, do whatever you want."  
  
When he called for everyone's attention an hour later I was ready with my two holograms completed and perfect. Some Hawks began groaning that they hadn't had enough time until Cardinal held up a hand for silence.  
  
"I am aware that some of you need more time. However, there is something I want you to see. Come here boyo." I stood and walked to the front of the class. I hadn't panned on making a presentation of it!  
  
"Boyo here has done something rather amazing, and I want all of you to see it. He wrote the program in a word document, completely from scratch. He held out his hands and I gave him my precious laptop. He plugged it in to the generator.  
  
"Ready boyo? Your going to have to feed it in, I don't want to try and get past your security." I nodded and began the program. The hologram formed slowly, tracing a vague outline and slowly filling in details until Heero Yuy stood in front of the room. Of course, everyone recognized him.  
  
"Care to tell us why you chose the dead pacifist leader of the colonies boyo?" I shrugged.  
  
"Most every major change in my life can be traced to his death in some way." Cardinal nodded slowly, trying to understand what was behind the words.  
  
"Why don't you put up the other one then?" I opened the program and waited. Odin Lowe appeared, seeming to walk out of the shadows near a second generator. He had a sniper rifle with him. 'Seeing' Heero Yuy, he got on one knee and raised the rifle to his shoulder. Aiming for his target's heart, he fired. And there it stopped, the bullet halfway between them. Cardinal cleared his throat. The room was deathly quiet.  
  
"Who is that man boyo?"  
  
"He's dead. Odin Lowe, OZ assassin and the closest thing I ever had to a father." I said the words in a soft monotone, the subject was still to tender to me to speak about normally and only iron control and over a year of intense training kept me from breaking into tears. Cardinal just nodded, but I could see something in his eyes. He knew that it had hurt me to say that, but he couldn't do anything to help me. The lunch bell rang then and we were all dismissed. It wasn't until later that afternoon that I understood what Cardinal had meant when he said, "I'm glad you're alright."  
  
Not all of the boys were kind. In fact, most of them seemed to enjoy picking on others a great deal. And there I was, the perfect target. I rarely talked; I had no name. Not a real one anyway. I had killed four people without blinking an eye, three of whom had been fledglings themselves. Then there was my obvious superiority in many subjects, my unnaturally fast healing. All these were opportunities for the cruel and the ones who just wanted to have fun and didn't realize how deep their words bit. The whispers followed me everywhere.  
  
"Hey Hitokiri, hey manslayer, where you going? Going to go kill some more comrades traitor?"  
  
"Look at him, he's a freak I tell you. No one can heal that fast!"  
  
"I never knew emotionless murderers could have such innocent eyes did you?"  
  
"I think it's so they can kill you easier, you won't suspect them."  
  
"He's an absolute monster, did you see him when he took down Harris? It was like he was a wild animal or something."  
  
"I hear Cardinal found him alone, no connections at all. "  
  
"Makes sense, who'd want a demon like that?"  
  
"Fiend, devil-spawn. If it weren't for people like you there wouldn't be a war, everyone else could be happy.'  
  
"Do us a favor and go kill yourself manslayer."  
  
Some of the crueler ones accompanied their remarks with pinches or jabs or, when no one was around to see them, full punches. They were always careful to make sure the bruises wouldn't show. But after a certain point, I didn't care anymore. Their words were eating me alive, haunting every second of my waking hours and invading my dreams at night. In my misery I didn't even notice the concerned looks Harris and Cardinal gave me when I made mistakes in class. I didn't notice that I never spoke at all to anyone, or that there were some who tried to stand up for me; tried to stop the remarks and comfort me with remarks about how untrue it was. The assurances fell on deaf ears. I didn't want to hear it; I knew I was a mutant, a monster. I knew I was the unfeeling manslayer they said I was. And I almost took the advice to kill myself.  
  
I was ready to do it. There was a courtyard off to the side of everything else perfect for the job; secluded and empty most of the time. I had stolen a handgun from my sniping course and I was ready and willing to end my life, which had brought me and everyone else nothing but pain. I raised the gun to my head.  
  
"What do you think you're doing boyo?" I spun around, the mask dropping completely in surprise as Cardinal stepped out of the shadows near the courtyard wall, his eyes serious. There was no smile now. He held out his hand.  
  
"Give me the gun boyo." I hesitated.  
  
"Give it to me!" Helplessly I handed it over, the disappointment in his eyes burning me, searing across my soul to create more pain, more misery; but from an altogether different source. Cardinal sighed.  
  
"I told you not to take them seriously. It doesn't mean anything." I couldn't face him. I lowered my head, my unruly shoulder length moss-brown hair slipping over my face to hide the tears in my eyes.  
  
"But it's true." It was a hoarse whisper, strained and desperate as I struggled with the salty liquid trying to spill over onto my cheek.  
  
"It isn't."  
  
"Yes it is!" I yelled hysterically. "It's all true! I don't regret killing them! I didn't remember it was a game! I'm a murderer; I've always been a murderer! My whole life has been nothing but training to kill. I'm not even human! I'm a monster, an artificial soldier to kill as many as possible!" I couldn't go on; I collapsed in a sobbing, gasping heap at his feet mumbling over and over again, "I'm not even human.just a murderer.." Cardinal kneeled down and picked me up, settling himself on the ground and letting me cry into his shoulder as he stroked my hair and patted me on the back, whispering soothing words. When I had cried myself out leaving only the occasional hiccup behind he helped me sit up a little, wiping the tears from my cheeks gently.  
  
"Tell me." That was all he said, but to me, it was an open door after a world of locked rooms. I told him everything. The project, the scientists, my own creation. I told him about the way they changed the kids, what they did to me before they sent me out into the world. Then I told him about Odin, the kindness he had given me and how much I had come to depend on his presence. Of his death and my reaction to it. When I had related everything up until the moment he found me we sat in silence for a little while.  
  
"Eight years old...eight years old and your life is already screwed out of control." I tried to smile at him.  
  
"It's not as if I can do anything about it but live every day for the present, with no regrets." Cardinal nodded.  
  
"But you should have some fun boyo, some friends. You've got too kind a soul to be alone so much."  
  
"I'm not kind."  
  
"Yes, you are. You are very kind. It's just that training that sometimes gets in the way. Otherwise you wouldn't be crying over the suffering you've caused, and I wouldn't hold any of the respect for you that I have." I stared up at him, sure I had heard wrong.  
  
"What?" He grinned at me.  
  
"You're the most amazing person I've met in my life boyo. You radiate a spirit that's freer and wilder than everyone here put together. And though you may seem cold at first, as people get to know you better they realize that you're an absolute angel."  
  
"An angel of death." He smiled softly and traced my cheek with his finger.  
  
"Even an angel of death is beautiful and kind boyo. They grant mercy and peace. As you do."  
  
Notes: Yes, I'm ending the chapter there. It's a pretty good place to end.if I did write more it'd just be them getting up and going back to the main buildings, or sitting out until they could watch the stars and Heero fell asleep on Cardinal's shoulder. Once again, I'd like to thank my reviewers ^o^. Track starts Monday, so I don't know when I'll be able to get the next chapter up but trust me: If I get more reviews, it will be faster than it would be otherwise. PLEASE REVIEW!! Next chapter will skip some time, to Heero's first flight, I think... and for anyone interested, I will still give out a surprise to anyone who can guess all the characters in the * random event * or the person who said the disclaimer. A little humor bit I thought of the other day.. But you have to leave your E-mail. I'd probably give it to you if you just tried (and Lauralanthalasa Solostran is Fantasy, DragonLance.). Also, Votes on Chance meetings and shonen ai are still being taken, but if you have an opinion, tell me soon 'cause I'm getting to where I'd use them. Please review, it's easy, it makes me happy, I write more, making you happy ne? 


	10. Keep your enemies closer

Authors Note: /zip/ All right, in case any of you were wondering, yes, Heero did get pushed off the wall. But I'm not telling who did it! Not yet anyway... I know there are guesses out there, and I did set it up for some one.. But is it really him? Or is it someone else? Or is there more than one traitor? Also, Cardinal is around mmmm.13 right now. 4 and a half years older than Heero. He's a child prodigy (who woulda thought?), most Hawks are 13 or older at their first flight, and most Captains are 15 or so. / zip, zip/ I'd apologize for the angst in the last chapter, but, as Suni, Coffee-Addict from Hell pointed out early on, that's the genre. To any friends and family who are reading this and wondering what is going through my head (with the possible exception of Mere, who has always known I am partially insane in my writing); my mind works in strange ways. /zipzipzipzip/ Special thanks out to Frog-Toes * hugs Frog-toes * I just love it that you continue to respond to my emails! And your opinions (as I have said) are much appreciated. ^_^ /zipzipzipzipzipzipzipzip/ . So, unless anyone has objections. It looks like we're going to have some shonen ai coming up here! And chance meetings have acquired Duo, Trowa, and Zechs. Anyone out there who wants someone else, TELL ME!!! I'm REALLY close to the first instance where it could happen. About two chapters or so after this one. Anyway, this chapter shouldn't have too much angst. PLEASE REVIEW!!!! I WRITE BETTER WITH THEM!! /ZIPZIPZIPZIPZIP/  
  
For all of you wondering what all the /zip/s are, that's my Hovse. Think blue lighting, slightly monkey-like with thick fur, humongous golden eyes and rubber cement. O.O That's a Hovse. It helps me get over my writers block, provides random comments, and is INCREDIBLY hyperactive. It's also doing the Disclaimer for a while. Disclaimer went to Greece for a vacation.  
  
And pigeon is a messenger, youngest/ lowest ranked soldier, gopher (go for this, go for that.)  
  
Hovse: O.O huh? What ? you actually thought...really? Why? She can't even speak Japanese! You actually did? Wow. Didn't you read the last 9 chapters? You did? Then you should know this by now.  
  
Chapter 10 (I think the numbers got off somewhere (chapter 7 I wrote as 8)..this should be nine): Keep your enemies closer.  
  
It was nagging at the back of my mind constantly interrupting my thoughts. What had happened?  
  
Underneath all the pain and guilt I had been carrying the last few days was a net of uncertainty, confusion, and fear. How could I do anything if I didn't know what had gone wrong in the first place? I was sure someone had pushed me off the wall, but who? And who had betrayed us to the other group?  
  
I didn't tell Cardinal about my worries. I didn't really get the chance; by the time I was calm enough to think of telling him or asking for his help he was gone and I was lying in my bunk, controlling my breathing in an effort to clear my head. How could I have lost control that much? There was no reason to tell him anything. But there was something. Cardinal's amazing leadership talents had risen again; all he had to do was order me, and I would comply unquestioningly. I'd have to work on that. It wasn't a good thing.  
  
So I spent the rest of the night worrying about the duel problems of resisting Cardinal's kindness, something I couldn't do, and the fact that I was locked in a room with someone who had wanted to hurt me badly enough to break my leg. And with the emotional and physical stress of the last few days, I was in no condition to fight back if they tried anything else. The only rest I got that night was from the short time when Cardinal was holding me as I spilled out my past, and as he carried me back to the fledglings' room.  
  
As soon as I heard the door's lock release in the morning I was up and out of the room. During my sleepless night I had come to a decision. I would find out what had happened during the mock mission myself, using anything I could access, whether it was supposed to be available or not. That meant I needed to work with the main computer files, and I could only have time to myself before anyone else was up or when most were relaxing after a day of training. There was no point in waiting, and I needed more time to figure out how I would deal with Adam, Rick and X. Not to mention the kids I 'killed'.  
  
I grabbed my laptop from my locker (we weren't allowed to take anything into the rooms, even changing clothes was done outside where we slept.) and walked through the empty hallways, trying to find the secluded alcove I had spotted a few days before. It was a little place on a corner where the shelves that lined the walls didn't quite meet up, creating a space between the top of the shelves and the ceiling where a child of my size or even slightly larger could hide with complete invisibility. It also gave a rather good view of the opposite courtyard if you were into people watching.  
  
I climbed up to my hideaway, rather clumsily due to my broken leg, and settled myself with the computer on my lap ( AN: well that was a no brainier, it's a laptop!). Now to start the search. First I checked everything I could get to without hack through the files. The teams had all been given their instructions at exactly the same time, in the same place. The 'pigeon' or messenger of each team acquired the orders from a predetermined Hawk, the files taken from one of many cabinets in a locked room that only Cardinal and Red Shoulders, the Owl captain, could access. There was no mention of conflicting missions. I also found that I had destroyed the only copy of our mission orders. If I wanted to make my case a little more public, that could be a problem. All orders had been delivered into the hands of the pigeons upon their arrival, and all said pigeons had traveled back to their teams without communication with anyone from another team; I was even able to get a video of the scene. Our pigeon was X.  
  
The breakfast bell rang and the corridor in front of me filled with people as Hawks and fledglings made their bleary, sleep clumsy way to their respective mess halls. I stayed still and quiet, unwilling to climb out of my hiding place until the hall was empty once more. Satisfied that no one would see my hideaway, I jumped down, fighting the pain in my leg when I landed. I might as well eat something since I couldn't get any more useful information before some one would notice I was missing.  
  
I could feel eyes watching me as I stared towards a small table in the back with my food. It was not a friendly gaze. Boys moved to fill spaces, taking up as much room as they could when I neared their tables. No one wanted to sit next to the freak, the murderer. I was too busy mulling of my problem to notice with anything more than curious detachment. I had to dodge several outstretched legs and 'accidental' jostling as they tried to make me spill my tray, but I did it in a daze, not really paying attention. Twice I nearly fell. The second time I would have fallen, but someone caught me; in my preoccupied state all I could do was stare blankly at the small, almost delicate hand that stopped me, it's fair skin nearly white next to my own. European, my mind commented uselessly. Probably noble blood, but there were calluses on the hands so this person had not been idle all their life. My eyes traced the pale skin of the other's arm until they reached the blue T-shirt covered shoulder, platinum strands creating a contrast my mind still wondered at, even after four years of color in my life. I dragged my eyes further to meet Adam's steel gray eyes, watching me worriedly.  
  
"Are you alright?" I blinked and shook my head in an effort to bring myself back to the present.  
  
"Fine."  
  
"Good. Do you want to sit with us?" He gestured towards the table where Rick, X and a boy I didn't know were sitting. I stared for a moment before looking back at Adam. He seemed calm but he wouldn't meet my gaze; nervous for some reason.  
  
"Okay." I whispered. After all, what better way to observe my suspects? Adam just nodded and led the way to the table, even pulling out a chair for me. Somewhere, someone had taught him the manners most of the orphans couldn't afford. He even carried himself differently. Straight backed, but somehow lazy and graceful at the same time. He was used to having people watch him and giving them nothing to fault, and I knew that no matter how hard I worked, I could never be that comfortable with myself.  
  
The other boy's name was Lon; he had grown up on L3 and had joined the Bloody Hawks as soon as he turned seven (apparently this was the youngest age accepted). His life's ambition seemed to be to become an Owl. Spying was all he talked about, and he chatted incessantly. If I had wanted to, and if I could have gotten a word in edgewise, I would have told him to study a little more because he didn't have any idea what he was talking about. I was to busy watching my teammates to bother. None of them would meet my gaze, Rick's amber gaze looked like it would scorch his food and X kept shifting like he wished he were somewhere else. I decided to initiate the conversation, just to observe their reactions, and spoke over Lon.  
  
"Are we going on another mission today?" X jerked up and stared at me, Rick eyed me nervously and Adam answered without blinking an eye.  
  
"We only have missions once a week, and since you're not at full strength, we might not participate for a while." X seemed to relax and Rick just turned back to his food. I was beginning to think that the amber-eyed boy really was as stupid as he seemed. Lon glared at me for a moment before resuming his one-sided conversation. The rest of us finished the meal in silence.  
  
For the rest of the day I spent all the time I could with my teammates, trying to understand who they were underneath the façade they presented to the world. Everyone had some sort of mask they showed everyone else; you didn't get far as an orphan without one; mine was just more permanent and obvious than some of the others.  
  
In some of the classes it was impossible to learn anything of true use from them. During self-defense, as I struggled to maintain balance in various positions, I discovered that Rick was only passable at hand to hand, X would end as a spy because he could never work up the will to hurt someone enough to win, and Adam had been trained in fencing before he joined. None of them shared my mechanics class (we were building car engines), and they weren't even close to my computer class. I spent that hour and a half searching for more information, general stuff that wouldn't arouse Cardinal's suspicions. He had given me a beaming smile when he walked in but still seemed a little worried about me and checked on me every once in a while. So I looked for age statistics. Apparently, most Sparrows were 13 or 14 at their first flight, and most Raptors, Owls, and Captains were 15 at least. Cardinal truly was amazing. The only other interesting thing I was able to find was the list of fledglings that would be shown at the next flight. Adam was ranked highly, especially since he was twelve.  
  
My next class was sniper training, which I shared with a mixture of Hawks and fledglings: both Adam and Rick were there as well. Since it was my first day of the class the instructor made me try a variety of weapons; he seemed impressed by the range I could use, but in the end he was a little disappointed. He had hoped that I knew how to snipe with a rifle, but Odin had never let me near his so I knew only what I had observed. That time provided some interesting and slightly disturbing insights for me. I was one of the most accurate marksmen with handguns, pistols and rocket launchers (though how much accuracy you need with those is very low), but Adam was advanced with the pistol. He had the reputation of being a sharpshooter, and proved it. I started at the bottom with the rifle, but by the end of the time I was beginning to get the hang of it, even though I realized I could never be as good as Cooper (he was in the advanced class) because of my size. The kick was nearly enough to knock me over and always sent my shots wide. AS the class went on it became evident that sanity wasn't really a requirement for becoming a Hawk. Some of the older boys seemed to take great pleasure in using their weapons, even going so far as to complain that they couldn't practice on living targets. Some, like Rick, enjoyed blowing things up in large displays and spent the entire period with rocket launchers pointed at various targets. But the scariest were the ones like Adam. You could see it in their stance; in the way they held their weapon of choice. Every shot they fired was intensely personal and meant to hurt someone severely, aiming more for agony than death. When I watched Adam fire at the targets I saw cold fury and hatred in his straight back, revenge held his hands steady, and his eyes were thirsting for blood as each bullet completely destroyed another offender. It scared me that someone could feel such powerful emotion when they killed, calm through the sheer force of them. I was an emotionless killer. I did it only to get the job done. There was no enjoyment, no anger, nothing. Nothing, not even my disaster the night before, had ever affected me as deeply as the pain and fury I saw in Adam that afternoon. It bothered me for a while, but I finally realized that I had controlled my emotions for too long to let them control me that way; then I stopped worrying about it and moved on.  
  
By the time our 'free time' started I felt a little more confident on my ability to read my teammates. Except for X. For some reason I could find nothing about X except that he used his innocent eyes as his own mask, hiding himself from the world.  
  
During my 'free time' having had enough of their company for one day, I retreated to my hideaway and ran more searches, this time hacking into the individuals' files to read the known past.  
  
/Rick/  
  
age when accepted- 7 years  
  
current age- 13 years  
  
specialties- some leadership skills, long range weapons  
  
current rank- fledgling  
  
suggested rank- Order of Sparrow  
  
History- Rick was found by Jay captain Tanager in a small orphanage on L2. He showed signs of starvation and physical abuse. Has shown bullying tendencies and tends to ignore common sense. Parents died when six, never attended school before joining but managed to teach himself two languages ( English and Spanish). Taken on the evidence of abnormal intelligence if he applies himself and the consideration that he would otherwise die. Italian descent.  
  
/X/  
  
age when accepted- eight  
  
current age- ten years  
  
specialties- good with coding, basic machinery, always looks out for his own best interest.  
  
current rank- fledgling  
  
suggested rank- Order of songbird/Falcon.  
  
History- X wandered into the kitchen, insisting that he needed food and had followed the smell for three miles. He apparently was born on colony L4, and his parents traveled a great deal with their work. One day they got on a shuttle without him, terrorists overtook the shuttle, and all passengers were killed. X does not seem too concerned about this and hides behind his innocent eyes, waiting for an opportunity to strike quickly and get what he wants. He has often traveled outside the base without informing anyone of his whereabouts and not returning until well after midnight. Tried to stop him, but failed. Arabic descent.  
  
/Adam/  
  
age when accepted- 10  
  
current age-12  
  
specialties- sharpshooter, sniper, some leadership capabilities, impressive grasp of mechanical workings, strong physical and mental strength/ endurance, fencing, aristocratic mannerisms.  
  
Current rank- fledgling  
  
Suggested rank- Order of Falcon  
  
History- Adam came to the organization on his own, asking to be trained in war. He told nothing of his past other than the fact that he needed to be trained so he could exact his revenge. DNA analysis showed him to be the son of a nobleman, a pacifist, raised on Earth. His family was killed and their home burned to the ground when he was eight and all knowledge of his existence was well covered to disguise his identity. It is believed that he may have a sister, and that if he receives a better offer, he will choose another path to his revenge. European descent.  
  
So I had been right to think that Adam had noble blood. No wonder he was so intense in his sniping, every shot was one step closer to his revenge. Overall however, the records hadn't been as helpful as I had thought they would. They basically told me things I already knew.  
  
The final bell rang through the corridors and I decided that my best course of action was to stick close to my teammates and find any recordings of the mission that I could.  
  
I tried everything I could for the next month and a half, but I got nowhere. Nothing I did produced anything more useful than the video I had found to begin with, and that ended before the mission even started. The officer's notes on the mission were confused and surprised. They didn't know what had happened. Whatever had been done as betrayal had been organized by the fledglings themselves.  
  
Eventually, I stopped trying so hard and just kept on, living from day to day and always keeping the three close, learning more and more about who they were. We became friends of a sort, not as close as I was with Cardinal and Harris, but close enough to trust each other to some extent. They trusted me with some of their secrets and worries; and I trusted them to be themselves, just not with any of my own secrets. I didn't find out what had really happened until much later, and then, it was much more serious.  
  
Notes: Sorry this is so long in coming, I have been really low on time this week. I'll try to get another chapter up this weekend, but I don't know if I can, I'll definitely have one up by next Friday, hopefully by Wed. or Thurs. so that I can get more before Spring Break starts and I have no computer access at all for a week. Sorry too, that I didn't resolve the question. It seemed a little too easy to just have him hack into the computer and figure it all out. PLEASE REVIEW!!!! IF I DON'T GET REVIEWS I DON'T FEEL MOTIVATED TO WRITE, especially since I just got a few new books..(that was not a good idea.) 


	11. Flight

@Authors Note: *creeps on to ff. net as quietly as she can * ....er..sorry about the demand for reviews.heh. I was getting really frustrated and, well.. my mind was filled with black hair, magic, and quidditch. Not helpful for writing Gundam Wing. If you don't know what I'm talking about, that's probably a good thing. But I really do NEED REVIEWS!!! I was able to get over the Harry Potter bit by reading a couple shonen ai 1x2 fics so I'm okay now, but I won't be able to do that for the next week or so. I need reviews to keep my mind on track and remind myself that yes, someone is reading the fic and wants me to post the next chapter.. * Hovse glares at readers from it's position of hanging from the ceiling by it's tail* -reviewreviewreviewreviewreview or I will encourage her to start on the HP idea-  
  
Ano..okay then, the chapter.. I'm hoping to make up for what I did in the last one (hope, hope, hope). I'm not sure how far I'll get but there could be some pretty weird stuff here, just to warn you. Thanks to Grim Hitokiri, I am shinigami and starcat for their reviews of chapter eight (Sticks and Stones 2) But no one reviewed Keep your enemies closer.. ( I blame that partly on ff. net messing up, partly on my timing, and partly on how I didn't accomplish something satisfactory, but you need to understand, I had to set it up right and it was supposed to be learning about the teammates. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!  
  
* Scavenger refers to the Hawk who finds new fledglings and brings them in. Cardinal is Heero's scavenger.  
  
Disclaimer: I'm tired, I have track practice in a few hours, it's going to be exhausting, if you really want to know then see the other chapters.  
  
Chapter 10: Flight  
  
I paced back and forth in front of the door; mentally reviewing everything I had learned in the last year and a half. I was self-consciously checking that every part of my uniform was perfect when it came to me. I was nervous. Me, Hitokiri, the silent, unemotional killer. Rick would have laughed if he knew, but he never would; he had left the Hawks several months back. My hands pulled on the shirt cuffs, ignoring my silent demand that my body stop fidgeting. It couldn't be that bad, Adam had done it easily a year ago and said it wasn't anything to worry about. But Adam had been four years older than I was now at his first flight. The first time he was truly judged by an officer. If I made it, I would be tied with Cardinal as the youngest Hawk to join. Cardinal. Would he still want me? He had said often that he would make me a Raptor at my first flight but I hadn't seen him in months. Once the list had been released all contact with Captains had been prohibited. Would he still accept me? Or would he let someone else have me first? What if no one wanted me in their flock? My heart rate sped up and I could feel the panic rushing through me. What would I do if I wasn't chosen? I had completed all the courses I needed; I couldn't take any more as a fledgling. Where would I go if they kicked me out?  
  
My early training took over and I clamped down on my mind, forcing the panicky thoughts out. Live each day as it comes so that you will have no regrets. I would do everything as well as I could and would not allow panic to find me again. There would be no regrets. I closed my eyes and practiced the control Harris had taught me; slow the heart rate, control the blood pressure, match the brainwaves with sleep.. Relax into the heart of space where everything came together as one. Some one tapped me on the shoulder and I looked up into Race's serious green eyes.  
  
"You ready kid?" I nodded; meeting his gaze with all the determination I could muster. As ready as I'd ever be.  
  
"Okay then, they're almost ready for you, just wait here by the door and come in when they call you."  
  
"What will they be calling me?"  
  
"You'll know it's you. Trust me." He grinned. It looked as if he was laughing at a joke only he saw.  
  
So I waited. And waited. Now I know that they were waiting too, just trying to make me sweat and think that maybe there had been a mistake, maybe they didn't want me after all. But I didn't know it then and those thoughts did go through my head; just because I didn't show the emotions on my face doesn't mean I didn't feel them. I think someone got fed up after forty-five minutes because I could hear muffled arguing from the other side of the door. Then Cardinal's voice rose above the others.  
  
"All right boyo, you can come in now."  
  
I took a deep breath, fortified the mask, made sure my body was completely under control and opened the door, walked in and closed it behind me. It was a good thing I wasn't supposed to salute since I was a sparrow; I wouldn't have remembered to do so anyway. They were standing in a semicircle at the edge of a small platform with a chair on it; there were sixteen of them, a Captain and second from each flock. All were in full uniform, badges of rank shining in the noon light coming through the large windows. I found Cardinal and Cooper among them, looking for a little support but finding none. They were all Captains and only Captains today. There was no room for emotion in these circumstances. Cardinal, as the highest ranked and scavenger, stepped forward to start my flight.  
  
"Sit in the chair." I did so allowing no emotion to bleed through the mask as I realized what a disadvantage that chair was. Yes, I was sitting but the chair was uncomfortable, with no back and thin armrests and I had to crane my neck to meet the Captains' eyes. Definitely a disadvantage. Cardinal started the questions.  
  
"Why did you join?"  
  
"I was offered food, a bed, schooling and kindness. I needed it and I wouldn't turn it down." I could see the seconds writing down my response, letting their leaders judge it.  
  
"What is your name?" I blinked. Shouldn't that have been first?  
  
"I have no name."  
  
"What are you called then?"  
  
"You call me boyo, the others call me Hitokiri."  
  
"Why do they call you that?"  
  
"I asked them to."  
  
"What does it mean?"  
  
"Manslayer."  
  
"And why did you want to be called that?"  
  
"Because it's appropriate." Cardinal looked a little annoyed with my uninformative answers. I spoke again before he could continue.  
  
"Why are you asking me questions you already know the answer to?" Cardinal scowled.  
  
"Because the others insisted. What have you most enjoyed of all your training?"  
  
The questions went on and on, grilling me on information about my training, why I had taken the classes I had, the friends I had made, what did I think my greatest achievement was, what did I hope to do as a Hawk; eventually they got more personal. What had I been looking for in the school files on various occasions, why I had done things that puzzled them, such as tutoring the younger kids. Finally they got too personal, asking about my past, and Odin. Couldn't I tell them anything about my past?  
  
Something snapped, and I couldn't take it any more. The mask stayed in place, not showing my warring pain and frustration as I stood and walked to the door.  
  
"I've already told you about my past Cardinal, the others don't need to hear it, especially not from me. None of these questions are telling you anything you don't already know. You've been tracking me since I came here and it's quite possible that you know more about me than I do. I'm tired of your trying to force me to answer things I don't want you to know. It goes no where."  
  
And I left, walking out of the room and back to my dormitory, ignoring the surprised and pitying faces I passed in the corridors. What did they know? I had left of my own free will; there was nothing to pity me for. Halfway to the room I broke into a run, trying to leave the frustration and disappointment behind me. I had really messed up; they would never want me now. I ran for a long time, finally stopping in the same courtyard where I had once tried to kill myself. Everything was a mess. My by now shoulder length hair was sticking out everywhere, the black slacks of my uniform were damp from sweat and the puddles of the rain from the night before, the collared shirt was glued to my skin, I'd lost my tie somewhere, and I'd somehow managed to tear my jacket.  
  
I felt a little calmer though, calm enough to sit down on the sun warmed stones and think about why I had left. I had acted purely on instinct, hiding from there dangerous prying that could destroy my life. Wait. Cardinal knew, and nothing horrible had happened, so why was I so afraid?  
  
For once the recorded memories were useful as I searched through my life to find what would cause me to be so hesitant of letting others know my past. I ignored the cooling air, the darkening light (a/n: does that make sense?) and the shouts of young boys released for the evening.  
  
Finally I found it. A memory so faint that I must have tried to erase it and the back up system had kept it as far from my conscious mind as it could. There were others, but this was where it started. I had told someone my origins before, when I was working as a gardener/ crops manager for one of the families living near the mutant organization's center. They were a rich family, but small, and the children liked to watch me as I worked, always with a servant making sure they didn't get into trouble. Sometimes we were able to talk easily, almost as friends and I had come to enjoy their company. I smiled a lot more then, I still believed in love and truth. I till believed that I could have that, if I wanted it.  
  
That day the father had come to watch me as well. Actually he was planning a picnic with his wife and the two kids but they ended up watching me. Even talking to me every once in a while. I wasn't sure why then, but I never did anything that used much of my 'mutant' side when at their estate. Everything I did could have plausibly been done by any other human who had the right knowledge, better even, since I couldn't work with color at all. Now I know why: they didn't know I was a mutant. At one point, as they were finishing their salad course (even their picnics had courses), the daughter, Kelly, asked me something no one had ever asked me before. It has become the most annoying question in my life.  
  
"What is your name?" I laughed a little before answering, not understanding that she didn't know. I thought she just wanted me to confirm what she already knew.  
  
"I don't have a name." She frowned. Obviously I had said something wrong, but I couldn't figure out what. She tried again.  
  
"But what do you parents call you?" By this time I knew something was wrong. She should know this, and if she didn't, there had to be a reason. So I answered a little more cautiously.  
  
"I don't have parents." This seemed to startle her even more, but it didn't surprise her father.  
  
"That's what the organization is Kelley, they help orphans." Ha. Oh and again ha. They barely even helped us; we helped ourselves. I didn't have the mask then and Jeff, the boy, noticed something that made him curious enough to ask for himself.  
  
"How did they find you?"  
  
"They didn't." I had all their attention, and, not knowing how they would react, I told them about the things they did; the way they created mutants. All four of them stared at me for a moment in shocked silence and I began to see that telling them my history might not have been a good idea. Actually, it was a very bad idea. They had very strong beliefs about mutants an artificial birth. They hated them, or at least the father did. He wouldn't tolerate my presence any longer and ordered me out, threatening to beat me if I came within 200 meters of his family. So I left, having learned the first lesson. Telling my past made people despise me.  
  
The rest was really just small things that added up. The way all the scientists considered me an object they could manipulate in any way they chose, the way the families who knew what we were jeered and treated us as beasts. The insults and hits I had taken because of what I had been born as. The pity in people's eyes when I told them I didn't have a name, had never had a family. Cardinal was the only one who had ever recognized that I couldn't control the past; there was nothing I could have done to change it. He even taught me that. And I was afraid that he would always be the only one. If I told too many of my secrets the pain and pity would begin again; I would do anything to keep it away. Even leave the only person who had ever understood.  
  
I came back to myself only to realize that I wasn't alone. Cardinal was standing in front of me.  
  
"That was some stunt you pulled boyo." It was the first time I had ever heard him speak so.. Seriously. As if he were disappointed in me.  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
"Don't, you aren't, so don't say it." I stared at my hands, folded in my lap.  
  
"Why did you leave?" He was annoyed, and with me. Ouch.  
  
"I got tired of the questions."  
  
"Tell the truth boyo."  
  
"They would hate me if they knew." I whispered it, scared that he would hate me now to, would hit me, or yell or refuse to ever see me again. He was silent.  
  
"Then I apologize, for putting you into a position that would force you to tell your past. I thought it would help if they knew more about you. But what you did is still unacceptable." I blinked up at him, knowing that my eyes were shining with unshed tears. Would he send me away?  
  
"I'm sorry" I choked on the words. "I want to stay, really I do, please don't send me away." I couldn't face him and I turned back to my hands, now clutching the fabric of my slacks. He bent down to me, lifting my face to look at him.  
  
"I won't send you away boyo, you're a Raptor, and I don't send my Hawks away without reason." It took me a moment to absorb it. I was a Hawk? A Raptor? But..  
  
"But I left." He grinned at me then, and the tension I hadn't been aware of slipped out of my muscles.  
  
"To tell you the truth, we already knew you would be a Raptor, but I had to fight Red shoulders pretty hard for you. The questions were really just to see how you would react to the situation. A final test of sorts." I stared at him, in awe this time. Red shoulders was the Owl captain. I was that highly valued? Then I smiled, giving Cardinal a bit of the carefree, life-loving smile I had had in the past. He grinned back before reaching out and pulling me to my feet. Then he started to walk back to the main buildings; when he realized I wasn't following he turned back.  
  
"Come on boyo! You've got your first mission tomorrow, you need to get some sleep!" I ran to catch up and he put an arm around my shoulders as we continued towards the Raptor's wing.  
  
"Besides, we've been planning a party for your flight. By staying out here all night you're denying everyone else a chance at all the great food." I wasn't really listening, just relaxing into his shoulder, relishing the feeling of triumph that spread through me. I had made it. Even if I had messed up horribly I was still a Raptor, and just then, I didn't want anything else. I was asleep before we entered the room.  
  
****(A/n NOT THE END OF THE CHAPTER, though I could. It would be so easy. Fog toes, tell me if I should just stop here. The next part might be up tomorrow if I do.)  
  
I woke to find myself in an unfamiliar bed, and an unfamiliar room filled with only slightly familiar people. As the events of the day before trickled in behind my eyelids I calmed myself down, stilling the instincts that told me to run and hide. Everything was fine, beyond fine even. I was a Hawk, a Raptor, and today I would go on my first mission.  
  
Breakfast was simple, cold cereal and orange juice. The rest of the morning was spent with Harris trying to make sure I had everything and anything I might need on my mission. Adam was trying to imprint on my mind the importance of the first mission, showing me his falcon pin as encouragement. Half of me enjoyed the attention, relishing in being fussed over for once in my life. Other parts were equally nervous, fed up, and curious about Cardinal's whereabouts. When I asked Harris where he could be I was given a glare for my lack of knowledge.  
  
"He's with Phoenix, getting information about the mission. You're not the only reason we have this you know. " I nodded, the fed up part of me starting to take control as Harris checked to make sure my socks were folded exactly right.  
  
"Could you stop fussing? What does it matter if my socks are folded right, this is a mission not a ball." They stared at me and I stared back. What had brought that on? I must be living on my nerves more than I thought I was if I snapped like that. In fact, it'd been happening a lot lately. Odd. Usually I had full control over my emotions.  
  
Adam broke the silence awkwardly.  
  
"We were only trying to help Hitokiri. It's traditional. If the Sparrow isn't in perfect form it reflects badly on the other Hawks, makes it look like they didn't do their jobs." Harris nodded in agreement before adding his own observation.  
  
"Besides, you deserve to be fussed over for once, and it's not as if you've got anything else to do. In a few days you'll look back on this and wish you had enjoyed it more. Some of the hazing can be bad." I stayed silent, allowing them to once again straighten and adjust my uniform, tear healed, pants and shirt dried and washed, and tie found.  
  
When I looked into the mirror a stranger stared back. There was a young boy there, too thin and small to be allowed to cross the street alone. The muscle in the long arms and legs, the strength in the delicate hands could not be seen. But in his eyes was an iron control, turning Prussian blue into ice where soft laughter should have been. There was a haunted, hunted look to him; he had seen death and knew it intimately. Mossy brown hair was combed and pulled into a shot ponytail to keep it out of his face and long bangs were often used to conceal the piercing eyes. He held himself with a grace, not the same, natural and noble grace as the blonde boy next to him, but an animal grace, quick and deadly yet seemingly lazy. He seemed to fit his uniform a little better than his companions; it was almost part of him, as natural as a second skin where the others just wore theirs, he lived in his. And I realized then that this was what I was truly meant to do. Not for the scientists or Cardinal or Phoenix, but for me. I was more comfortable in that uniform than in anything I had ever worn before, either clothing, disguise, or lie. The boy pulled a handgun from his waistband under his jacket. It seemed right in his hand. As if it belonged there. He pointed the weapon at the mirror, eyes cold and unforgiving, finger squeezing the trigger. He was an assassin, a killer, murderer without name or feeling.  
  
Harris put a hand on my shoulder and I dropped the gun, panting. How could it seem so right? I had wanted to get away from the killing, the endless bloodshed without tears. The last shred of my soul had been growing and repairing itself, but now I had gone back to screaming. I wanted to end it so much yet all I seemed to do was bring it closer, until I could no longer see even the shreds of kindness that had been present only a few months ago. The killer in me was rising, gaining control and forcing my being to stand aside and watch silently. That was why I had been snapping so much. The killer preferred cold silence, and I was desperate to do anything but let it win, even if it meant shoving the few who cared for me away. In the end, the killer would win anyway. The rest of me was just too weak to stand up to it.  
  
Harris must have been surprised when I let out a frustrated howl and started sobbing into his arm but he patted me awkwardly on the back anyway. Adam seemed to understand and murmured reassurances that it would be okay, all I had to do was keep doing the little things, stocking up on small victories.  
  
"Believe me Hitokiri, I struggle with it too." I hiccupped, almost recovered from the torrent of emotion.  
  
"But you have a purpose at least, revenge. I don't even have a reason." His eyes narrowed.  
  
"Who told you about my revenge?" Despite myself I couldn't help a small, nearly invisible smile. It was so obvious he had revenge chasing him.  
  
"Just watching you. I like to know who I'm working with."  
  
"So do I kid, but you don't seem to be telling anything." An unfamiliar voice came from the doorway and I spun to face the intruder, immediately falling into a fighting crouch. Out from the shadows walked an oriental boy of around 15, brown hair cropped shot and framing coldly intelligent black eyes. He was a Raptor, introduced to me as Crossbill (red); shadow walking was his specialty. He would be accompanying us on the mission and I had three hours to earn his trust. Or I could just plunge into the flight alone.  
  
" Wait until after the mission, then you'll know me."  
  
Notes: hehehehehehehe... sorry, I need to think the actual mission through a little more. I know how it ends, it's the in-between stuff I need. I actually meant to have this up last night but my beta never answered, and I need to get it up before the 'no comps' takes effect... so if I need to make any changes I'll just repost it later.  
  
I want reviews minna-san! They will keep the creative juice flowing when I can't have comp access! More reviews = bigger, better, + more chapters when I get back to typing! This is the time (after this next chapter) when nearly anything can happen, so if you want to see something, TELL ME!!! Otherwise I'll run out of ideas fairly quickly and just move on. The story will be over sooner, but it won't be as long or detailed as people might want. So ideas are welcome.  
  
Also, wanted to thank those who reviewed since I started typing this. CJ, thank you, your advice is wonderful and I love your encouragement!! Starcat, I'm trying, I really am! And your stoy is looking good, just figure out where you're going (ask for ideas, I'd probably give you a few myself if you want.) Moon pie, thank you, thank you thank you. And I'm not telling.. Not yet anyway. Soon, I promise (hope). Nilladriel, Mission accepted, here it is. ^.* funfunfunfunfunfunfun..  
  
Anyway, thanks to you all, PLEASE REVIEW, I NEED THEM!! And I hope you enjoy St. Patricks day, the chapter, and the weekend. For those of you lucky ones on Spring Break, have fun! 


	12. Future Shadows

Author's Note: Hello? Anybody still out there? I need to say a few things here so please read this. First, the little note thing? That was half April Fools joke, though it seems to have become more and more real as time keeps passing. I am NOT going to give up on this fic. Three or four of the fics I want to write depend on this one being finished or they wouldn't make any sense. But I have been low on inspiration, and the number of reviews has not been helping. Getting one or two reviews (or zero) per chapter does not make me want to write more (well it does, but not as much as it could). But that's not the problem anymore (it was, but right now I'm dealing with it) Second, thanks go out to Brit and MaidenOfInsanity for their reviews of chapter 10, and to starcat, Canyon, Theo, Sidhe_Ranma, keep the dream alive, DM, and inuyasha fanatic, for their wonderful and encouraging comments on the note. (*Theo, I'm flattered! Thanks so much! *Sidhe_Ranma, don't worry; I'm going to keep writing. You love reading it and I love writing it. I got this really cool idea for doing Voldemort's past the other night. *keeps the dream alive, again, thank you. *Canyon, your advice, compliments and encouragement is most welcome, and I hope this is dark and twisted enough for you ^.^ What I needed to do came to me one morning out of nowhere. *starcat.. * Hands starcat a tissue * I trust you're over that now? Enjoy!* inuyasha fanatic, I'm glad you like it, really glad. I'm trying, here it is, and really? ) To CJ, once again, you are wonderful. You have kept me alive these last few weeks... thanks. ^.^ Okay, third, I HATE writing Action. Next time one of you sees me backing myself into a situation where I'll have to write and Action scene, slap me. They are very hard for me to write, making me very unenthusiastic about actually doing it. Fourth, if someone could tell me how to get bold and italics to show up on ff.net, it would be greatly appreciated because it doesn't seem to work with my Word docs.  
  
YAAAYYYY!!!!!! Cartoon Network is showing Rurouni Kenshin! NOOOOOOOO!!!!!! It's cut!!! To an extreme degree!! AAAAAHHHHHHHRRGG!!! New Type had a RK fanfics contest and I MISSED IT!!! AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH! They get to the Kyoto Arc and just STOP!!!!! Okay, I'm done ranting now.  
  
* Hovse glares, mad that it couldn't go to Florida, that Triton didn't get anything done while she was gone, and the insane amount of Harry Potter ideas that won't stop* She doesn't own it.  
  
Warning for this chapter: This chapter, the end especially, is. really angst. And a little mmmm. disturbing. Not for kiddies. Read with caution. If you don't want the dark little bit with lots of blood, you can stop at the asterisk (*)  
  
Now for the hard part..  
  
Chapter 11: Future Shadows  
  
Adam, Harris, Crossbill and I spent twenty minutes waiting in an empty room for Cardinal. Adam kept trying to talk to somebody but he didn't have very receptive subjects. Crossbill and I were studiously ignoring each other and Harris was daydreaming about who-knows-what, twirling a pen in his hand. I think Adam may have been fighting nervousness because by the time Cardinal walked in he was pacing back and forth mumbling to himself.  
  
"I hope you all realize that we are the only ones going on this mission." Said Cardinal as he walked to the front of the room. The only time I'd seen him more serious was when he stopped my suicide. Harris spoke up.  
  
"What are we supposed to do?" Cardinal turned on the vid screen, displaying a large home, almost a mansion.  
  
"This is the home of Yokos Khlinar, a politician who deals in mobil suits and illegal drug trafficking while standing against them in the public view. Phoenix decided the hypocrite needed to die. He," he pointed at me, "is going to be the assassin tonight. Crossbill will back him up and help him move around the location undetected. If, for some reason the sparrow can't fulfill his mission, Crossbill will finish it. Harris, Ibis and I will be collecting all information possible on the target's dealings from his personal files." It took me a moment to realize who he was talking about. Ibis was Adam's Raptor name of course. Cardinal continued his briefing.  
  
"The location is 20 miles outside the city limits, well guarded, but nothing we can't handle if we stay focused. We'll use the bikes to get within half a mile of the main gates. About forty feet to the left of the main road from that checkpoint is a power box. There are alarms, lasers, motion detectors and cameras on at all times but if we time it right, we can shut off most of the outer security. Harris will be in charge of this stage, with the sparrow close by to learn the technique. We can have no mistakes." He glanced at each of us in turn to make sure we understood.  
  
"Crossbill, as soon as Harris and the sparrow return, you'll take the sparrow to the west wall and enter the location in whatever way you find most feasible. From there you will search systematically for the target. We believe he will be staying on the third floor, fourth room from the left, but he could be anywhere and you cannot take the chance of losing him. Use anything you need to to find him without alerting the guards to us. Keep a watch on the inner security because we will not be shutting it off. That would alert the target. Is that understood?" Crossbill and I nodded silently.  
  
"Alright then, you two are dismissed. Meet us at 21:00 hours in the P-7 lot." Crossbill nodded and led me out of the room, heading for a part of the compound I had never entered before.  
  
"Where are we going?"  
  
"To get equipment. You don't expect to complete this mission with just a handgun do you?"  
  
"Well I was planning on bringing my laptop too but." He stared at me, incredulous.  
  
"You're serious aren't you." That was a statement that didn't deserve an answer.  
  
"How do you expect to get past the alarms with out a detector and neutralizer? Or decode the locks? Or climb the east wall without a grappling hook? Didn't you see the picture? That's a pretty smooth surface."  
  
"I've done it before." He raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Is that so? And when, exactly, was this?" I didn't answer. My past was my own business and no one else's. He stopped and bent over to my eye level.  
  
"Listen kid. I don't care what you've done before. You're a Raptor now, and you'll do things our way. I'm not going to let you put a mission in jeopardy just because you feel like you don't need something. Come on." He stood and continued walking, leading me in silence down a flight of stairs and into a room like nothing I had ever seen before. My awe must have shown on my face because Crossbill grinned and gestured expressively.  
  
"This is the technology room. From here you can access anything and everything you might possibly need on a mission. It's all here, bazookas and digital watches, laser beams and pocket handkerchiefs." He waited for me to say something, but I wasn't feeling to cooperative so I let him stand uncomfortably in the silence.  
  
"Right then, we'll need a grappling hook, and handguns, and a decoder.." He went on and on, going so far as to assemble a belt of tools for me. Decoder, wallseeker, fingerprint-scanner, timed explosives; the list went on and on. Finally, as he tried to put a radar detector on me, I stopped him.  
  
"How am I even supposed to move with all this on? I'll only use less than half of it anyway." He sighed, exasperated.  
  
"Fine. I give up, but if you screw up, don't come crying to me." I started replacing the gadgets I knew I would never use.  
  
"Don't worry."  
  
** * * **  
  
Two hours later I stood with a very flustered Crossbill (wearing, I noticed wryly, less than half the gadgets he had tried to force on me) in the P-7 lot, waiting for Cardinal, Harris and Adam. I suppose I should call him Ibis. Cardinal, Harris and Ibis. They turned up a few moments later with a little more equipment than Crossbill, but then, they were dealing with more technology than I was.  
  
Cardinal looked me over, judging the things I had chosen.  
  
"Are you sure that's all you want?" He asked. Crossbill made a disgusted noise.  
  
"He wouldn't take anything else. Laptop, handgun, tiny climbers and a couple rubber bands. He wouldn't accept anything I offered."  
  
I met Cardinal's eyes evenly. Not bothering to tell him the things Crossbill had missed; the plaskin gloves I already wore, a thin layer of technology that wouldn't get in my way or let me leave anything for the officials to find, the contacts that allowed me infrared vision at will, the short knives hidden in my boots and the small of my back, and that didn't even cover the things I could do with my laptop alone. Cardinal looked away first, choosing instead to study Crossbill for a moment.  
  
"Don't underestimate him." Was all he said before turning towards our transportation, which turned out to be a motorcycle apiece. Damn. How was I supposed to ride that? Sure I knew how to do it intellectually, but I was too small to actually reach everything and it would take me a few minutes to figure everything out. I hesitated as the others prepared to leave, their movements easy with familiarity. Crossbill noticed and turned to Cardinal, grinning mockingly.  
  
"Your sparrow can't ride with us Cardinal." Cardinal glared at him, as if daring him to push him further.  
  
"He's nine years old Crossbill, I didn't expect him to be able to drive it. He knows the mechanics but it isn't possible for him to have had any practical experience, not to mention we'd have to customize a bike for him in the first place. He'll ride with you." Crossbill stared, incredulous for a moment before turning to me, plastering a sneer over his face.  
  
"I hope you can hold on kid, 'cause I'm not stopping if you fall off." He turned back to his bike, barely allowing me the chance to climb up behind him before he raced out of the garage, grounding to a halt once outside and effectively jostling me. This was not going to be a fun ride. Cardinal didn't say anything when he and the others joined us, but his shoulders were stiff with disapproval. That cooled Crossbill's mood a little and he wasn't quite as reckless for the rest of the ride. It seemed even he was reluctant to displease Cardinal.  
  
**  
  
(A/n - * listening to RK soundtrack * Ross, if you ever read this, Thank you, thank you thank you, I love it!) ^.~  
  
**  
  
We arrived outside the location two hours later, and I had somehow managed to hang on the whole time. Crossbill seemed a little disappointed as I climbed off the back and started stretching, my muscles stiff from the ordeal. Cardinal nodded to Harris and me.  
  
"You two go on ahead, we'll take care of the bikes." Harris gestured for me to follow and we set off into the darkness, searching for the power box. After about ten minutes I saw it and stopped, surprised. Harris grinned at me, his teeth flashing startlingly against his dark skin in the weak light.  
  
"Bit more than you were expecting kid?" I could only nod. The security around the box was more than I'd seen in one place before, not that I could really see all of it. The fact that I saw so little was the most alarming thing because it meant that these people were rich enough to be able to afford the top equipment and smart enough to realize that the less seen, the more intimidating it was. I couldn't find anything but vague clues as to what was really guarding the place. Harris didn't seem worried. He started walking in a five-foot radius around the box, pausing every step or so to spray some dust in the general direction of his circle's center. As he completed his circuit I was able to see what he had done.  
  
He had revealed the security for what it was, shut the cloaking abilities off. And what he revealed was far more than I'd thought could be used around a power box. My face must have revealed some of this because Harris laughed softly.  
  
"Don't look so intimidated; it's not that bad. Most of this isn't even functioning; it's just there to give you second thoughts. Khlinar's a smart bastard." He stepped forward, using a decoder to bypass most of the systems and walking straight up to the box itself. Then he turned back to me.  
  
"You coming or not?" I blinked, his voice shocking me out of a mental analysis of everything he had done. Odin had never worked like this; he didn't have to.  
  
I walked forward; careful to follow his exact path, just in case there was something I tripped on accidently. When I came level with Harris I swallowed, hard. The machine in front of me was insanely complicated. For me to work on it I needed a keyboard, but I could not find one. Just a lot of levers and nondescript buttons with nothing to distinguish what any of it did. Harris seemed to find my discomfort increasingly amusing.  
  
"Just watch carefully, and remember. You'll be better at this than I am soon, no doubt about that." Sometimes this utter confidence in my abilities backfired on me. It was nice to know someone actually thought I was worth that much, but at the same time it gave me responsibilities I really didn't want. What if I failed? Suddenly I was wishing I could just go back to the base and curl up in bed. What would happen if I failed? It was like a bucket of ice-cold water over my head. I started trembling, unable to control my nerves even as my mind recorded every detail of Harris' movements, etching them in to my brain on automatic as I tried to deal with this new problem. If I failed.. Cardinal would be disappointed. Harris would pat me on the back trying to comfort but only succeeding in making it worse, Ibis would try to distract me with competitions he knew I would win, Crossbill would yell at me and Cooper would shake his head. And Cardinal would just look at me; disappointment in every line of his body as he assured me that there would be other missions. Empty words. If he couldn't trust me from the start he never would. I started shaking violently, trying desperately to get a hold of myself, to pull down the mask and let it be useful for once. Harris turned to give me a code to type in and noticed how my hands were shaking. Understanding flooded his eyes and he took my hands in his own, massaging the back of my wrists.  
  
"It's okay Hitokiri, it'll be fine. Just don't think about it. You just do what you have to do and don't worry about whether you get it right or not. There're enough of us to make up for any mistake one of us makes. Just don't give up, especially when you haven't even started." I stared up at him, begging for reassurance but knowing that it wouldn't really help.  
  
"Do you know what Cooper taught me on my first mission? We were trying to get these blueprints for a base but the security was better than we thought and we got caught. Before we left, Cooper destroyed everything and made it impossible for anyone else to get those blueprints ever again." He grinned again. "That's what he taught me; if you can't do it yourself, make sure no one else can. It's gotten me through a lot. So if you're going to mess something up kid, make sure you do a first rate job of it because otherwise you're just wasting time." He was rambling now. The information was somewhat useful, but it really had nothing to do with why I was so nervous. Not really. But his voice was soothing, and gradually the icy cold dissipated, and my hands stopped shaking.  
  
I pulled away and typed in the code, taking satisfaction from the fact that now I wouldn't be bothered about cameras and trip lasers while I tried to get inside the grounds. Harris and I started back towards the others in silence. Just before we came into earshot I stopped, and he looked back at me curiously. I couldn't look him in the eye so I studied my feet as I spoke, barely whispering.  
  
"Thanks." He just nodded and we continued walking. Cardinal stood as we approached, startling Ibis and Crossbill into lurching to their feet hurriedly. He ignored them, choosing to study Harris and me instead.  
  
"Everything went well?" Harris nodded.  
  
"Well then, Crossbill, you take him to the west wall, we'll be entering by another direction to make things harder on them." Crossbill started walking in the general direction of the mansion, obviously not caring whether I followed or not. I trotted after him, silently seething. Even if I was terrified to fail a few moments before, that didn't mean I couldn't resent his treating me as an incompetent.  
  
We neared the wall and I paused to study it, trying to determine the best path into the grounds. Crossbill turned to me a mocking smile on his lips.  
  
"We need to get over the wall. If you would have brought the grappling hook and rope like I told you to it'd be a lot easier." I chose to ignore his whining and stepped closer to the wall, attaching the climbers to my hands. He saw them and sneered.  
  
"Those won't do anything here kid, that wall is smooth as ice." I wanted to comment that a grappling hook wouldn't be much use in that case but managed to hold the mask down.  
  
Without waiting for further abuse from my 'partner' I reached up as I could and jammed the climbers into the thick plaster covering the walls. I pulled myself up that wall by my arms alone, making a mental note to never irritate Harris again in my life as months of training paid off. When I reached the top I crouched on the rim, staring down at Crossbill, a slight smile on my lips. He looked as if he couldn't decide whether to be annoyed or impressed. Before he could decide that I needed to be bawled at I unwound the thin black cord from around my waist and tossed one end down to him. As soon as he had a good hold on it I jumped to the ground inside the wall to wait for him to finish his climb. When he joined me, panting slightly, all he could manage was a glare before muttering, "Come on" and heading towards the mansion itself.  
  
It was huge, and I had no idea how we were going to even find Khliner, let alone avoid security. Crossbill seemed to know exactly where he was going however. I stopped him with a hand on his elbow.  
  
"What?" he hissed at me.  
  
"Where are you going?" I whispered back.  
  
"Third floor, fourth on the right dummy! Where else?"  
  
"But he could be anywhere."  
  
"We don't have time to search everywhere! We need to get this done fast!"  
  
"But-"  
  
"Just shut up and follow me." Well he obviously wasn't going to take my advice, but I had to try. So I followed him silently, amazed at the lack of security we came across. We climbed the stairs to avoid the elevators, reaching the third floor in twenty minutes. It was a really big place. I did not want to get lost in there to say the least. We entered the fourth room on the right cautiously, Crossbill first with me right behind him, pulling out my gun and immediately heading for the shadows of the room. I was not going to mess this up.  
  
There was a middle aged man with immaculately groomed black hair and wearing a smart blue suit sitting at a desk near the other end of the room, his back to the door. That seemed wrong somehow. My mind informed me quite forcefully that a man as accomplished as Yokos Khliner would never sit with his back to a door. Furthermore he seemed to be doing nothing remotely productive. Crossbill didn't seem to realize this and he gestured to me urgently, miming shooting the man in the back of his head. I shook my head, convinced that this could not be the target. Crossbill got angry and started to pull out his own gun. I rushed towards him; trying to stall him, prevent him from shooting. I didn't make it, and a single shot rang out in the stillness of the room. The man who could not be Yokos Khliner jerked in shock before slumping to fall across the desk, most definitely dead. I couldn't move. All I could do was stare at him, the second person I had seen die, the first I had seen killed. And the worst of it was, something in me enjoyed it. I watched as blood ran through his hair and drip onto the papers strewn over the desk in fascination, unable to tear my gaze away. I could hear his death over and over again in my mind. The gunshot, a sigh escaping him as he breathed his last, the thump of his body against the desk and a sharp click. What was that click? I could feel the world start to slip away as I watched him, playing it over and over in my mind. Shot, sigh, thump, click. Then Crossbill's voice brought me back to the present.  
  
"There, are you happy now? He's dead; we've completed the mission, no thanks to you. Let's go." I shook my head.  
  
"What now?"  
  
"That isn't Yokos Khliner."  
  
"Of course it is." I couldn't believe he was so dense.  
  
"You honestly believe that a man as accomplished as Yokos Khliner, as proficient at underhanded dealings, would ever sit with his back to a door? Don't be stupid." He gaped at me, but I could see his thoughts working behind his eyes. He was in huge trouble now. When he spoke he was subdued, almost hesitant.  
  
"Where do you think he could be then?" I thought for a moment. Where did I think he was? Then something else clicked in my mind and I dove for the floor, pulling Crossbill with me. Seconds later an explosion rocked though the mansion and the wall behind us came flying at us in a hundred pieces. When the dust had settled enough to breathe fairly easily I stood up. Crossbill stared at me, wild-eyed.  
  
"How did you know?" His voice was trembling, and I realized that in many ways, he was still a teenager who had never seen most of the world. Or at least, most of my world. In some ways I was already older than him.  
  
"It was that click, after you shot him. Nothing added up right. He shouldn't have been here, shouldn't have had his back to the door, there shouldn't have been any sound after he hit the desk. They knew we were coming." Crossbill still looked puzzled.  
  
"But how did you know it was a bomb?" I could feel my mouth twisting into a bitter smile.  
  
"If I couldn't tell when a bomb was going to go off, I'd have died years ago."  
  
"Oh." I shook away the memories threatening to overwhelm me.  
  
"We need to find Khliner." Crossbill nodded and climbed to his feet. I stood and let my eyes unfocus; put my mind at full capacity. I didn't have time for guesses, and if I screwed up now.  
  
"He's trying to make a run for it. He'll be in the outer courtyard." Crossbill gave me a funny stare but didn't argue as we ran out of the room. He didn't have any better ideas.  
  
We found the courtyard in under five minutes. Quite a feat in that place. I could see him sneaking in the shadows, always heading for the exit to the main grounds. I ran after him, stopped a few yards away, and spoke to him.  
  
"Yokos Khliner." He froze and turned slowly, pulling something from underneath his jacket. I leveled my gun at him, aiming straight at his heart. I didn't trust my aim enough to compensate for the height difference and aim for his head.  
  
"Drop the weapon." I ordered him. He dropped the handgun he'd been pulling out and stared at me. Then he laughed.  
  
"A child. You're nothing but a child."  
  
"And you're a double dealing old man that the world is much better off without."  
  
"At least I made someone happy boy. Whose life do you improve? You're an assassin, the lowest scum in the universe. You have no right to preach morals to me boy." I stayed silent. He was right of course. But he didn't even know half of it.  
  
"What's wrong boy? Cat got your tongue? Why don't you just shoot me and have done with it?" He was trying to stall me. He needn't have bothered. I couldn't make myself shoot him.  
  
"Look out!" Crossbill jerked me out of my musings on how to force myself to finish this. Khliner was rushing towards me, the knife in his hand glinting in the dim light that passed for night in the colonies. I didn't have time to think. I adjusted my aim and shot him, again and again, but he kept coming. Finally I got him between the eyes and he faltered to the ground, but not before dragging the knife in a ragged cut down the length of my arm, cutting easily through the soft leather of my uniform.  
  
I clutched my arm to myself and sank to my knees beside my first murder. Blood was spreading around me, some mine and some his. The courtyard faded away into something entirely different.  
  
*  
  
I was running through endless corridors of machinery. Stray wires reached out at me, tugging on my arms, tripping up my feet. Sharp jags of metal kept digging into my skin, tearing through my clothes and shoes, leaving my legs and feet bloody and raw. Still I ran, panting, knowing that someone was trying to find me and terrified that they would. But also terrified that they would somehow miss me in the twisting hallways.  
  
Slowly I became aware that I wasn't running on a metal sheet floor any longer, I was wading though blood. It sloshed around my ankles, slowing my progress to a walk. Soon, a few minutes, an eternity later, I came to a large room. Every wall was covered in vidscreens. They showed what I assumed to be the outside of the maze I was in. Walls of machinery were crumbling to some unknown force. My attention was drawn to the center of the room where a figure stood. He was dressed all in black, rags hanging from the body like forlorn spirits longing to get free but bound forever. Then I noticed that the blood seemed to originate at this figure, spreading out from him in ripples. He turned towards me and I took an involuntary step back. He was me. There were differences certainly, he was much older, taller and his eyes held a hungry look that was alien to my expression. But the hair, matted with dirt and blood as it was, was still my hair, the delicate bones of his face still my face, and the long slender hands were still my hands. His hands. That was where the blood was coming from. It was pooling in his palms and running through his fingers to the floor in a continuous stream. He held them out to me, grinning a full- toothed grin that was terrifying in the sheer wildness it promised.  
  
"I'm glad you finally came. I was beginning to think you'd forgotten."  
  
"Forgotten what?"  
  
"Our bargain, of course. Don't you remember? Well it doesn't really matter. You're a true hitokiri now."  
  
"No." he laughed at me.  
  
"No? You don't think so? Too bad. Because it's true. You have killed in cold blood, and you will do it again. Many times."  
  
"NO!" He came closer to me, until I could feel the death coming off him in waves, breaking down my barriers and drowning me in despair.  
  
"You will. And you will enjoy it." He whispered, and gestured towards on of the vidscreens. It showed myself, fighting, killing without mercy or thought. It was as natural as breathing. I could feel the tears threatening to brim over my eyes. He laughed at me again.  
  
"This is your destiny."  
  
"NO!" I screamed, and the blood rose up around me, washing over me and through me, filling every part of me, drowning me. I sank into darkness.  
  
Notes: Ahh! Please don't kill me! I know this is incredibly, impossibly late and I'm really really sorry! School and life have just been very busy with me. I kept promising myself I would get this written and I could never get it done and it was driving me absolutely insane! I know you might not want to hear this right now. but please review. Even if you are just telling me that I'm insane and I really should have gotten this up sooner, and how much you want to hurt me right now, that's okay. I still want the communication. It will give me reason to get the next chapter out sooner. 


	13. Chapter 12 until it starts working

OKAY, this is really weird. it's not uploading right!! So here's the chapter Author's Note: Hello? Anybody still out there? I need to say a few things here so please read this. First, the little note thing? That was half April Fools joke, though it seems to have become more and more real as time keeps passing. I am NOT going to give up on this fic. Three or four of the fics I want to write depend on this one being finished or they wouldn't make any sense. But I have been low on inspiration, and the number of reviews has not been helping. Getting one or two reviews (or zero) per chapter does not make me want to write more (well it does, but not as much as it could). But that's not the problem anymore (it was, but right now I'm dealing with it) Second, thanks go out to Brit and MaidenOfInsanity for their reviews of chapter 10, and to starcat, Canyon, Theo, Sidhe_Ranma, keep the dream alive, DM, and inuyasha fanatic, for their wonderful and encouraging comments on the note. (*Theo, I'm flattered! Thanks so much! *Sidhe_Ranma, don't worry; I'm going to keep writing. You love reading it and I love writing it. I got this really cool idea for doing Voldemort's past the other night. *keeps the dream alive, again, thank you. *Canyon, your advice, compliments and encouragement is most welcome, and I hope this is dark and twisted enough for you ^.^ What I needed to do came to me one morning out of nowhere. *starcat.. * Hands starcat a tissue * I trust you're over that now? Enjoy!* inuyasha fanatic, I'm glad you like it, really glad. I'm trying, here it is, and really? ) To CJ, once again, you are wonderful. You have kept me alive these last few weeks... thanks. ^.^ Okay, third, I HATE writing Action. Next time one of you sees me backing myself into a situation where I'll have to write and Action scene, slap me. They are very hard for me to write, making me very unenthusiastic about actually doing it. Fourth, if someone could tell me how to get bold and italics to show up on ff.net, it would be greatly appreciated because it doesn't seem to work with my Word docs.  
  
YAAAYYYY!!!!!! Cartoon Network is showing Rurouni Kenshin! NOOOOOOOO!!!!!! It's cut!!! To an extreme degree!! AAAAAHHHHHHHRRGG!!! New Type had a RK fanfics contest and I MISSED IT!!! AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH! They get to the Kyoto Arc and just STOP!!!!! Okay, I'm done ranting now.  
  
* Hovse glares, mad that it couldn't go to Florida, that Triton didn't get anything done while she was gone, and the insane amount of Harry Potter ideas that won't stop* She doesn't own it.  
  
Warning for this chapter: This chapter, the end especially, is. really angst. And a little mmmm. disturbing. Not for kiddies. Read with caution. If you don't want the dark little bit with lots of blood, you can stop at the asterisk (*)  
  
Now for the hard part..  
  
Chapter 11: Future Shadows  
  
Adam, Harris, Crossbill and I spent twenty minutes waiting in an empty room for Cardinal. Adam kept trying to talk to somebody but he didn't have very receptive subjects. Crossbill and I were studiously ignoring each other and Harris was daydreaming about who-knows-what, twirling a pen in his hand. I think Adam may have been fighting nervousness because by the time Cardinal walked in he was pacing back and forth mumbling to himself.  
  
"I hope you all realize that we are the only ones going on this mission." Said Cardinal as he walked to the front of the room. The only time I'd seen him more serious was when he stopped my suicide. Harris spoke up.  
  
"What are we supposed to do?" Cardinal turned on the vid screen, displaying a large home, almost a mansion.  
  
"This is the home of Yokos Khlinar, a politician who deals in mobil suits and illegal drug trafficking while standing against them in the public view. Phoenix decided the hypocrite needed to die. He," he pointed at me, "is going to be the assassin tonight. Crossbill will back him up and help him move around the location undetected. If, for some reason the sparrow can't fulfill his mission, Crossbill will finish it. Harris, Ibis and I will be collecting all information possible on the target's dealings from his personal files." It took me a moment to realize who he was talking about. Ibis was Adam's Raptor name of course. Cardinal continued his briefing.  
  
"The location is 20 miles outside the city limits, well guarded, but nothing we can't handle if we stay focused. We'll use the bikes to get within half a mile of the main gates. About forty feet to the left of the main road from that checkpoint is a power box. There are alarms, lasers, motion detectors and cameras on at all times but if we time it right, we can shut off most of the outer security. Harris will be in charge of this stage, with the sparrow close by to learn the technique. We can have no mistakes." He glanced at each of us in turn to make sure we understood.  
  
"Crossbill, as soon as Harris and the sparrow return, you'll take the sparrow to the west wall and enter the location in whatever way you find most feasible. From there you will search systematically for the target. We believe he will be staying on the third floor, fourth room from the left, but he could be anywhere and you cannot take the chance of losing him. Use anything you need to to find him without alerting the guards to us. Keep a watch on the inner security because we will not be shutting it off. That would alert the target. Is that understood?" Crossbill and I nodded silently.  
  
"Alright then, you two are dismissed. Meet us at 21:00 hours in the P-7 lot." Crossbill nodded and led me out of the room, heading for a part of the compound I had never entered before.  
  
"Where are we going?"  
  
"To get equipment. You don't expect to complete this mission with just a handgun do you?"  
  
"Well I was planning on bringing my laptop too but." He stared at me, incredulous.  
  
"You're serious aren't you." That was a statement that didn't deserve an answer.  
  
"How do you expect to get past the alarms with out a detector and neutralizer? Or decode the locks? Or climb the east wall without a grappling hook? Didn't you see the picture? That's a pretty smooth surface."  
  
"I've done it before." He raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Is that so? And when, exactly, was this?" I didn't answer. My past was my own business and no one else's. He stopped and bent over to my eye level.  
  
"Listen kid. I don't care what you've done before. You're a Raptor now, and you'll do things our way. I'm not going to let you put a mission in jeopardy just because you feel like you don't need something. Come on." He stood and continued walking, leading me in silence down a flight of stairs and into a room like nothing I had ever seen before. My awe must have shown on my face because Crossbill grinned and gestured expressively.  
  
"This is the technology room. From here you can access anything and everything you might possibly need on a mission. It's all here, bazookas and digital watches, laser beams and pocket handkerchiefs." He waited for me to say something, but I wasn't feeling to cooperative so I let him stand uncomfortably in the silence.  
  
"Right then, we'll need a grappling hook, and handguns, and a decoder.." He went on and on, going so far as to assemble a belt of tools for me. Decoder, wallseeker, fingerprint-scanner, timed explosives; the list went on and on. Finally, as he tried to put a radar detector on me, I stopped him.  
  
"How am I even supposed to move with all this on? I'll only use less than half of it anyway." He sighed, exasperated.  
  
"Fine. I give up, but if you screw up, don't come crying to me." I started replacing the gadgets I knew I would never use.  
  
"Don't worry."  
  
** * * **  
  
Two hours later I stood with a very flustered Crossbill (wearing, I noticed wryly, less than half the gadgets he had tried to force on me) in the P-7 lot, waiting for Cardinal, Harris and Adam. I suppose I should call him Ibis. Cardinal, Harris and Ibis. They turned up a few moments later with a little more equipment than Crossbill, but then, they were dealing with more technology than I was.  
  
Cardinal looked me over, judging the things I had chosen.  
  
"Are you sure that's all you want?" He asked. Crossbill made a disgusted noise.  
  
"He wouldn't take anything else. Laptop, handgun, tiny climbers and a couple rubber bands. He wouldn't accept anything I offered."  
  
I met Cardinal's eyes evenly. Not bothering to tell him the things Crossbill had missed; the plaskin gloves I already wore, a thin layer of technology that wouldn't get in my way or let me leave anything for the officials to find, the contacts that allowed me infrared vision at will, the short knives hidden in my boots and the small of my back, and that didn't even cover the things I could do with my laptop alone. Cardinal looked away first, choosing instead to study Crossbill for a moment.  
  
"Don't underestimate him." Was all he said before turning towards our transportation, which turned out to be a motorcycle apiece. Damn. How was I supposed to ride that? Sure I knew how to do it intellectually, but I was too small to actually reach everything and it would take me a few minutes to figure everything out. I hesitated as the others prepared to leave, their movements easy with familiarity. Crossbill noticed and turned to Cardinal, grinning mockingly.  
  
"Your sparrow can't ride with us Cardinal." Cardinal glared at him, as if daring him to push him further.  
  
"He's nine years old Crossbill, I didn't expect him to be able to drive it. He knows the mechanics but it isn't possible for him to have had any practical experience, not to mention we'd have to customize a bike for him in the first place. He'll ride with you." Crossbill stared, incredulous for a moment before turning to me, plastering a sneer over his face.  
  
"I hope you can hold on kid, 'cause I'm not stopping if you fall off." He turned back to his bike, barely allowing me the chance to climb up behind him before he raced out of the garage, grounding to a halt once outside and effectively jostling me. This was not going to be a fun ride. Cardinal didn't say anything when he and the others joined us, but his shoulders were stiff with disapproval. That cooled Crossbill's mood a little and he wasn't quite as reckless for the rest of the ride. It seemed even he was reluctant to displease Cardinal.  
  
**  
  
(A/n - * listening to RK soundtrack * Ross, if you ever read this, Thank you, thank you thank you, I love it!) ^.~  
  
**  
  
We arrived outside the location two hours later, and I had somehow managed to hang on the whole time. Crossbill seemed a little disappointed as I climbed off the back and started stretching, my muscles stiff from the ordeal. Cardinal nodded to Harris and me.  
  
"You two go on ahead, we'll take care of the bikes." Harris gestured for me to follow and we set off into the darkness, searching for the power box. After about ten minutes I saw it and stopped, surprised. Harris grinned at me, his teeth flashing startlingly against his dark skin in the weak light.  
  
"Bit more than you were expecting kid?" I could only nod. The security around the box was more than I'd seen in one place before, not that I could really see all of it. The fact that I saw so little was the most alarming thing because it meant that these people were rich enough to be able to afford the top equipment and smart enough to realize that the less seen, the more intimidating it was. I couldn't find anything but vague clues as to what was really guarding the place. Harris didn't seem worried. He started walking in a five-foot radius around the box, pausing every step or so to spray some dust in the general direction of his circle's center. As he completed his circuit I was able to see what he had done.  
  
He had revealed the security for what it was, shut the cloaking abilities off. And what he revealed was far more than I'd thought could be used around a power box. My face must have revealed some of this because Harris laughed softly.  
  
"Don't look so intimidated; it's not that bad. Most of this isn't even functioning; it's just there to give you second thoughts. Khlinar's a smart bastard." He stepped forward, using a decoder to bypass most of the systems and walking straight up to the box itself. Then he turned back to me.  
  
"You coming or not?" I blinked, his voice shocking me out of a mental analysis of everything he had done. Odin had never worked like this; he didn't have to.  
  
I walked forward; careful to follow his exact path, just in case there was something I tripped on accidently. When I came level with Harris I swallowed, hard. The machine in front of me was insanely complicated. For me to work on it I needed a keyboard, but I could not find one. Just a lot of levers and nondescript buttons with nothing to distinguish what any of it did. Harris seemed to find my discomfort increasingly amusing.  
  
"Just watch carefully, and remember. You'll be better at this than I am soon, no doubt about that." Sometimes this utter confidence in my abilities backfired on me. It was nice to know someone actually thought I was worth that much, but at the same time it gave me responsibilities I really didn't want. What if I failed? Suddenly I was wishing I could just go back to the base and curl up in bed. What would happen if I failed? It was like a bucket of ice-cold water over my head. I started trembling, unable to control my nerves even as my mind recorded every detail of Harris' movements, etching them in to my brain on automatic as I tried to deal with this new problem. If I failed.. Cardinal would be disappointed. Harris would pat me on the back trying to comfort but only succeeding in making it worse, Ibis would try to distract me with competitions he knew I would win, Crossbill would yell at me and Cooper would shake his head. And Cardinal would just look at me; disappointment in every line of his body as he assured me that there would be other missions. Empty words. If he couldn't trust me from the start he never would. I started shaking violently, trying desperately to get a hold of myself, to pull down the mask and let it be useful for once. Harris turned to give me a code to type in and noticed how my hands were shaking. Understanding flooded his eyes and he took my hands in his own, massaging the back of my wrists.  
  
"It's okay Hitokiri, it'll be fine. Just don't think about it. You just do what you have to do and don't worry about whether you get it right or not. There're enough of us to make up for any mistake one of us makes. Just don't give up, especially when you haven't even started." I stared up at him, begging for reassurance but knowing that it wouldn't really help.  
  
"Do you know what Cooper taught me on my first mission? We were trying to get these blueprints for a base but the security was better than we thought and we got caught. Before we left, Cooper destroyed everything and made it impossible for anyone else to get those blueprints ever again." He grinned again. "That's what he taught me; if you can't do it yourself, make sure no one else can. It's gotten me through a lot. So if you're going to mess something up kid, make sure you do a first rate job of it because otherwise you're just wasting time." He was rambling now. The information was somewhat useful, but it really had nothing to do with why I was so nervous. Not really. But his voice was soothing, and gradually the icy cold dissipated, and my hands stopped shaking.  
  
I pulled away and typed in the code, taking satisfaction from the fact that now I wouldn't be bothered about cameras and trip lasers while I tried to get inside the grounds. Harris and I started back towards the others in silence. Just before we came into earshot I stopped, and he looked back at me curiously. I couldn't look him in the eye so I studied my feet as I spoke, barely whispering.  
  
"Thanks." He just nodded and we continued walking. Cardinal stood as we approached, startling Ibis and Crossbill into lurching to their feet hurriedly. He ignored them, choosing to study Harris and me instead.  
  
"Everything went well?" Harris nodded.  
  
"Well then, Crossbill, you take him to the west wall, we'll be entering by another direction to make things harder on them." Crossbill started walking in the general direction of the mansion, obviously not caring whether I followed or not. I trotted after him, silently seething. Even if I was terrified to fail a few moments before, that didn't mean I couldn't resent his treating me as an incompetent.  
  
We neared the wall and I paused to study it, trying to determine the best path into the grounds. Crossbill turned to me a mocking smile on his lips.  
  
"We need to get over the wall. If you would have brought the grappling hook and rope like I told you to it'd be a lot easier." I chose to ignore his whining and stepped closer to the wall, attaching the climbers to my hands. He saw them and sneered.  
  
"Those won't do anything here kid, that wall is smooth as ice." I wanted to comment that a grappling hook wouldn't be much use in that case but managed to hold the mask down.  
  
Without waiting for further abuse from my 'partner' I reached up as I could and jammed the climbers into the thick plaster covering the walls. I pulled myself up that wall by my arms alone, making a mental note to never irritate Harris again in my life as months of training paid off. When I reached the top I crouched on the rim, staring down at Crossbill, a slight smile on my lips. He looked as if he couldn't decide whether to be annoyed or impressed. Before he could decide that I needed to be bawled at I unwound the thin black cord from around my waist and tossed one end down to him. As soon as he had a good hold on it I jumped to the ground inside the wall to wait for him to finish his climb. When he joined me, panting slightly, all he could manage was a glare before muttering, "Come on" and heading towards the mansion itself.  
  
It was huge, and I had no idea how we were going to even find Khliner, let alone avoid security. Crossbill seemed to know exactly where he was going however. I stopped him with a hand on his elbow.  
  
"What?" he hissed at me.  
  
"Where are you going?" I whispered back.  
  
"Third floor, fourth on the right dummy! Where else?"  
  
"But he could be anywhere."  
  
"We don't have time to search everywhere! We need to get this done fast!"  
  
"But-"  
  
"Just shut up and follow me." Well he obviously wasn't going to take my advice, but I had to try. So I followed him silently, amazed at the lack of security we came across. We climbed the stairs to avoid the elevators, reaching the third floor in twenty minutes. It was a really big place. I did not want to get lost in there to say the least. We entered the fourth room on the right cautiously, Crossbill first with me right behind him, pulling out my gun and immediately heading for the shadows of the room. I was not going to mess this up.  
  
There was a middle aged man with immaculately groomed black hair and wearing a smart blue suit sitting at a desk near the other end of the room, his back to the door. That seemed wrong somehow. My mind informed me quite forcefully that a man as accomplished as Yokos Khliner would never sit with his back to a door. Furthermore he seemed to be doing nothing remotely productive. Crossbill didn't seem to realize this and he gestured to me urgently, miming shooting the man in the back of his head. I shook my head, convinced that this could not be the target. Crossbill got angry and started to pull out his own gun. I rushed towards him; trying to stall him, prevent him from shooting. I didn't make it, and a single shot rang out in the stillness of the room. The man who could not be Yokos Khliner jerked in shock before slumping to fall across the desk, most definitely dead. I couldn't move. All I could do was stare at him, the second person I had seen die, the first I had seen killed. And the worst of it was, something in me enjoyed it. I watched as blood ran through his hair and drip onto the papers strewn over the desk in fascination, unable to tear my gaze away. I could hear his death over and over again in my mind. The gunshot, a sigh escaping him as he breathed his last, the thump of his body against the desk and a sharp click. What was that click? I could feel the world start to slip away as I watched him, playing it over and over in my mind. Shot, sigh, thump, click. Then Crossbill's voice brought me back to the present.  
  
"There, are you happy now? He's dead; we've completed the mission, no thanks to you. Let's go." I shook my head.  
  
"What now?"  
  
"That isn't Yokos Khliner."  
  
"Of course it is." I couldn't believe he was so dense.  
  
"You honestly believe that a man as accomplished as Yokos Khliner, as proficient at underhanded dealings, would ever sit with his back to a door? Don't be stupid." He gaped at me, but I could see his thoughts working behind his eyes. He was in huge trouble now. When he spoke he was subdued, almost hesitant.  
  
"Where do you think he could be then?" I thought for a moment. Where did I think he was? Then something else clicked in my mind and I dove for the floor, pulling Crossbill with me. Seconds later an explosion rocked though the mansion and the wall behind us came flying at us in a hundred pieces. When the dust had settled enough to breathe fairly easily I stood up. Crossbill stared at me, wild-eyed.  
  
"How did you know?" His voice was trembling, and I realized that in many ways, he was still a teenager who had never seen most of the world. Or at least, most of my world. In some ways I was already older than him.  
  
"It was that click, after you shot him. Nothing added up right. He shouldn't have been here, shouldn't have had his back to the door, there shouldn't have been any sound after he hit the desk. They knew we were coming." Crossbill still looked puzzled.  
  
"But how did you know it was a bomb?" I could feel my mouth twisting into a bitter smile.  
  
"If I couldn't tell when a bomb was going to go off, I'd have died years ago."  
  
"Oh." I shook away the memories threatening to overwhelm me.  
  
"We need to find Khliner." Crossbill nodded and climbed to his feet. I stood and let my eyes unfocus; put my mind at full capacity. I didn't have time for guesses, and if I screwed up now.  
  
"He's trying to make a run for it. He'll be in the outer courtyard." Crossbill gave me a funny stare but didn't argue as we ran out of the room. He didn't have any better ideas.  
  
We found the courtyard in under five minutes. Quite a feat in that place. I could see him sneaking in the shadows, always heading for the exit to the main grounds. I ran after him, stopped a few yards away, and spoke to him.  
  
"Yokos Khliner." He froze and turned slowly, pulling something from underneath his jacket. I leveled my gun at him, aiming straight at his heart. I didn't trust my aim enough to compensate for the height difference and aim for his head.  
  
"Drop the weapon." I ordered him. He dropped the handgun he'd been pulling out and stared at me. Then he laughed.  
  
"A child. You're nothing but a child."  
  
"And you're a double dealing old man that the world is much better off without."  
  
"At least I made someone happy boy. Whose life do you improve? You're an assassin, the lowest scum in the universe. You have no right to preach morals to me boy." I stayed silent. He was right of course. But he didn't even know half of it.  
  
"What's wrong boy? Cat got your tongue? Why don't you just shoot me and have done with it?" He was trying to stall me. He needn't have bothered. I couldn't make myself shoot him.  
  
"Look out!" Crossbill jerked me out of my musings on how to force myself to finish this. Khliner was rushing towards me, the knife in his hand glinting in the dim light that passed for night in the colonies. I didn't have time to think. I adjusted my aim and shot him, again and again, but he kept coming. Finally I got him between the eyes and he faltered to the ground, but not before dragging the knife in a ragged cut down the length of my arm, cutting easily through the soft leather of my uniform.  
  
I clutched my arm to myself and sank to my knees beside my first murder. Blood was spreading around me, some mine and some his. The courtyard faded away into something entirely different.  
  
*  
  
I was running through endless corridors of machinery. Stray wires reached out at me, tugging on my arms, tripping up my feet. Sharp jags of metal kept digging into my skin, tearing through my clothes and shoes, leaving my legs and feet bloody and raw. Still I ran, panting, knowing that someone was trying to find me and terrified that they would. But also terrified that they would somehow miss me in the twisting hallways.  
  
Slowly I became aware that I wasn't running on a metal sheet floor any longer, I was wading though blood. It sloshed around my ankles, slowing my progress to a walk. Soon, a few minutes, an eternity later, I came to a large room. Every wall was covered in vidscreens. They showed what I assumed to be the outside of the maze I was in. Walls of machinery were crumbling to some unknown force. My attention was drawn to the center of the room where a figure stood. He was dressed all in black, rags hanging from the body like forlorn spirits longing to get free but bound forever. Then I noticed that the blood seemed to originate at this figure, spreading out from him in ripples. He turned towards me and I took an involuntary step back. He was me. There were differences certainly, he was much older, taller and his eyes held a hungry look that was alien to my expression. But the hair, matted with dirt and blood as it was, was still my hair, the delicate bones of his face still my face, and the long slender hands were still my hands. His hands. That was where the blood was coming from. It was pooling in his palms and running through his fingers to the floor in a continuous stream. He held them out to me, grinning a full- toothed grin that was terrifying in the sheer wildness it promised.  
  
"I'm glad you finally came. I was beginning to think you'd forgotten."  
  
"Forgotten what?"  
  
"Our bargain, of course. Don't you remember? Well it doesn't really matter. You're a true hitokiri now."  
  
"No." he laughed at me.  
  
"No? You don't think so? Too bad. Because it's true. You have killed in cold blood, and you will do it again. Many times."  
  
"NO!" He came closer to me, until I could feel the death coming off him in waves, breaking down my barriers and drowning me in despair.  
  
"You will. And you will enjoy it." He whispered, and gestured towards on of the vidscreens. It showed myself, fighting, killing without mercy or thought. It was as natural as breathing. I could feel the tears threatening to brim over my eyes. He laughed at me again.  
  
"This is your destiny."  
  
"NO!" I screamed, and the blood rose up around me, washing over me and through me, filling every part of me, drowning me. I sank into darkness.  
  
Notes: Ahh! Please don't kill me! I know this is incredibly, impossibly late and I'm really really sorry! School and life have just been very busy with me. I kept promising myself I would get this written and I could never get it done and it was driving me absolutely insane! I know you might not want to hear this right now. but please review. Even if you are just telling me that I'm insane and I really should have gotten this up sooner, and how much you want to hurt me right now, that's okay. I still want the communication. It will give me reason to get the next chapter out sooner. 


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